How close ah come tuh being caught up in de political sideshow goin orn in T&T? Ah did come diiiiiiis close. Since nobody cyar see mih two fingers almost touchin when ah say diiiiiiis close, let me explain how close dat is.

All week ah back an fort spittin venom at Vernella Alleyen-Toppin, de MP fuh Tobago East. At one point ah tort ah had it figured out.

Kamla have tuh fire dat dotish woman right now else she might as well call elections next week!.

Man ah was not only sure ah mihself ah was full ah mihself. Righteous indignation ah tink it call in de biblical world. Dat same spirit push mih tuh write mih blog een two twos. All ah had left was tuh add ah link tuh what Vernella say an wait fuh Saturday so ah could hit de submit an expose mih torts.

Dat is how close ah was.

Mih onlyest concern was joinin 10 million Trini voices worldwide condemnin Vernella. Ah wasn’t sure ah did like being part ah dat kind ah crowd.

Tings change when ah went tuh link tuh what dis dotish ‘bago woman say. Ah woman ah was 100% sure was gettin used by de PP tuh go after ah next ‘bago person.

All ah could say is dat ah now wearin ah new hat. It say, Conspiracy Theorist orn it.

Fuh now it eh leavin mih head as I no longer part ah de 10 million dat gettin fooled, just like wid wrestlin.

Ah did love dat sport. I used tuh watch until it get announce dat wrestlin is fake, de matches fixed. Fixed? Buh how? I used tuh see man bleedin real blood.

Am I sayin dat what happenin on de political scene is T&T is fake too? Dat people wastin dey time jumpin up an dong—for or against, as de elections results locked in ah vault someplace?

I not one ah dem nutty American-style conspiracy kooks who does only come out when horrible tings, involvin people dyin happen, tuh proclaim what de govahment say happen eh what happen. Not me. When it have multiple theories I does always go wid what de official line is. Like who kill JFK.

Triniland loaded wid it own conspiracy theorists buh my theory different.

Look at dat fella who ah tork about larse week. He get orn stink stink on Facebook. Yes Facebook. De site wid some 517,760,460 users at last count .

It really take almost ah year fuh one ah dem users tuh realize dey know somebody who know somebody sister who know ah cousin in de PP govahment tuh squeal on de man? Or was de story held up until it was ah more appropriate time fuh dem tuh fire he an den almost break dey collar bone pattin deyself on dey back fuh takin ‘immediate action’ against racists speech?

So what eef larse week ah say me eh know de answer? Dis week ah in mih new hat an ah demandin answers.

What any ah dis have tuh do wid me changin mih mind about Vernella?

Fuh starters, me eh believe she party, de PP, didn’t know what she was goin an say. In fact, de confusion wid some now sayin dey did know but only at ah high level while udders sayin dey didn’t know ah ting, is part ah de conspiracy. It is de same exact ting like dem wrestlers bleedin—it look too real tuh be fake.

I watch ah clip ah Vernella givin ah speech at some AIDS ting. Dat woman cyar string two sentence tuhgedder even eef yuh give she ah needle wid ah eye big like mine. Dat mean she eh write what she say when she tork in parlahment playin she is ah concerned macco. Still, nuttin wrong wid not being able tuh write yuh own speech. But who write it could tell plenty. Is no way de PP go let somebody not tied tuh de party write ah speech tuh attack de opposition. Kamla had tuh know about de speech. So what eef de Minister ah Finance didn’t know? He does look shaky on he best days. Dat picture plays well when yuh lookin tuh fool people.

More suspicious dan all dat is what happen during de Emailgate debate. Vernella claim she had ah story tuh tell an launched orf into dis ting about ah young woman in Tobago who geh raped an how de baby boy geh shipped orf tuh Trinidad. When de opposition ask she what dat had tuh do wid Emailgate, she say she get de story in ah email.

Nobody eh get upset by dat story?

Why?

After all, it was strikingly similar tuh what she say dis week in de parlahment when she lower she self more by suggestin Rowley is de brute he supposedly is because he born vex. Credit tuh de conspiracy team writer fuh dat part ah de script. It was ah gamble but de reactions say it wuk.

Is all dese distractions meant tuh make people believe tings happenin in real time? Tuh make voters tink dey operatin wid free will an really pickin de next govahment based on dis back an forth irresponsible nonsense by big men an women in parlahment?

Ah eh done answer all dat?

Politicians cyar be dat dotish tuh do what dey doin an tink people who not sycophants fuh one party or de udder go vote for dey sorry behinds come election day.

How is what dey doin relevant tuh good governance?

Just tuhday ah friend I eh see in ah lil while say de story ah de century in T&T is de poleece shuttin de country dong. Eef dey really want, dey could fight crime he say. Eef dey really want dey could take over de country he add.

I agree wid someting Gary Griffith ask: How could dat many poleece get into position across Trinidad an Tobago an everybody in national security clueless? How vulnerable is de country?

Buh no, none ah dem questions important. Politicians want tuh know eef Rowley born vex or rape he chile mudder. Neider side capable ah be statesman-like. I wouldn’t let mih gran chirren play wid any ah dem  in pre-school nah.

Mih regular pardnah say ah go have ah hard time sellin mih conspiracy theory. Me eh care eef he right. Somebody have tuh point out ludicrousness.

As a conspiracy theorist will I thrive arong people who doh want tuh listen tuh reason? Yes, negative reaction does embolden we. Next week Marlenegate go make mih even stronger.

Buh wait nah.

Wasn’t next week supposed tuh be Rowley an dem week tuh say or do dotishness an de PP react? De PP gettin tuh lead two weeks in ah row? De script change?

Dat is all de proof I need. Conspiracy oui.