Ah been in my share ah Department ah Motor Vehicles, DMV, offices in different states an tuh me all ah dem inefficient no tail.

De fuss time ah went tuh dis one by me was tuh trade een mih out ah state drivers license. Larse year, when ah lorse mih wallet fuh de fuss time, ah went back to get ah next license. Now ah had tuh go back again, two times, since ah lorse anudder wallet. Blight?

I eh care what part ah de world yuh livin, govahment departments dealin wid de comman man, an woman, not efficient an have no plans on being so. Ah more dan willin tuh believe different, but until den mih stance is dem places have too many employees who doh add value tuh de process. Some places doh even know who wukkin dey an firin dey lazy backsides eh easy. Ask de Indian govahment.

Me eh necessarily usin mih DMV experience as total proof of mih position, buh I tink dey have opportunities tuh tweak tings an make life easier.

Every time ah went tuh dis DMV ah had tuh line up outside. Is ah long line here, ah long line over dey. No sign tellin yuh what each line for considerin is plenty different ting related tuh cars an licenses yuh could do at dat DMV. Eef yuh shy an fraid tuh ask questions because yuh tink people go laugh yuh could end up waitin in de rong line.

Dese larse two times it had ah poleece officer askin anybody walkin up tuh de front door why dey dey. Based orn de answer, he let yuh go een or put yuh in ah line. His lazy behind only had one line doh. I didn’t mind since guess who was fuss in it?

When ah hear somebody tell him dey was dey fuh someting different dan me ah ask de officer eef my line is multi purpose. Dem was mih exact words—multi purpose. From he look ah realize ah should ah ask de question usin different words. So ah ask it over. He say yes, customers wid udder issues was in dat line too. Ah tell him ah just checkin tuh make sure I not wastin time een no rong line. Torts ah mih very first trip tuh dat place was torturin mih brain.

So here we was, ah Friday afternoon an tings slow so de line eh all dat long. However, we outside de damn place an de sun hot. Ah next set ah torts in mih head: Dey does follow dis same process in winter? I know me eh standin up in no line in no winter fuh nuttin tuh de wid no drivers license. De onlyest ting ah might stand in line for in winter is tuh get inside where it warm an I eh doin dat fuh too long.

Anyway ah reach inside.

Is more waitin een ah next line buh why since I was de onlyest person in it. Ah dey watchin dis trio ah women behind de counter in front ah mih yakkin away. None ah dem eh lookin up so dey eh know ah exist. I eh know eef ah should leave an come back when dey ready tuh wuk. Ah decide since I dey tuh conduct business dey better get dey arse in gear, I wasn’t goin no place. Not unless dey give mih back mih bus fare an compensation fuh standin outside in dat hot sun. Is when ah start inhalin an exhalin like ah goin an dead dat one ah dem look up an ask eef she could help.

Since ah still eh had all de documents ah needed she send mih tuh ah next line tuh get ah supervisor tuh okay what ah had. Dat supervisor do it den send mih back. De first woman do someting wid mih documents den hand dem tuh de woman next tuh she. Dat woman write someting orn dem den pass everyting tuh de udder woman who hand it back tuh mih.

Okay dat larse part eh happen buh it could have. Me eh shame tuh use de same logic like dem political sycophants usin leadin up tuh Sept 7^th.

So ah get sent tuh ah room wid people who look like dey wasn’t happy. Ah siddong next tuh dis older man. Whenever he get up ah smell stale baby-mudder milk. Like he get squirt wid it or someting. I eh tink dat was connected tuh de next ting ah see doh. Was ah pair ah de largest mammary glands ever. Dem an de belly dey was restin orn appear before de rest ah dey owner. She wasn’t 5-foot tall. Maybe 5-foot wide, buh not no 5-foot tall. Credit tuh she doh fuh she enthusiasm fuh she job.

Mih next line tuh wait in was de one tuh receive de replacement license. After all de, go here do dis, go dey do dat an come back, it was one ah eight lines yuh end up een oui. Ah was maccoin everyting while waitin een my line, Number 5 ah tink.

Behind de clerks was one ah dem electronic number readers dat does tell yuh what number gettin served. Dis one was alternatin between 0 an dashes over an over. Orn ah next wall, ah next one ah dem same signs was stuck orn 260.

Ah hear ah worker tellin ah woman she could take de test Monday, not tuhday. De way she say dat, “not tuhday”, sounded like she was askin de woman eef she arse damn mad tuh tink any ah dem givin she any damn test orn any Friday afternoon late when people want tuh go home.

De people wukkin dem lines handlin money an wid money does come fraud attempts. So, in de ceiling was one set ah dem lil cameras resemblin dem black lights from house parties.

Ah gorn up tuh de counter when my turn reach. All de while dem cameras watchin, capturin everyting. Ah clerk wid be ah fool tuh try an do anyting wid de money except put it een de drawer. I wouldn’t be shocked eef it eh had cameras dey too. Any fraud in dat office go have tuh be top-notch.

Ah had tuh sign mih name orn one ah dem electronic thingies dat does make yuh recursive writin look like crapaud goin tuh church. Ah steups when ah see how mih signature look. look. Was only one answer when de woman ask mih eef ah want tuh redo it. At least dey use mih mug shot dat was orn file an I eh had tuh pose again.

Ah pay dem mih hard earned $11 an dat was it, ah walk out wid my replacement license. Ninety minutes from start tuh finish.

Givin up mih udder state driver license mih first time in dat DMV take longer buh de place was crowded. De inefficiencies was like sore thumbs orn dat trip.

One ting ah couldn’t help doin was wonder how de process does wuk udder places. Like, me eh know. . .  maybe T&T?