So, Trinidad an’ Tobago how it goin’? Allyuh done cool dong yet? Ah shouldn’t ask dat cause is done Saturday an’ ah tink ah know de answer. Once, cool dong time used tuh be Ash Wednesday by de beach. Now dat time is fuh ah next larse lap, ent? After all, what easier tuh do, remember Carnival dat just finish or tink about de next one dat comin’? Check out de timer at de bottom ah de page tuh see how far de next one is. Iron still ringin’ in people head, so ah could understand Ash Wednesday being more of ah slow dong dan ah cool dong.

Carnival Monday ah was in mih house watchin’ lil j’ouvert on television. Man it was cold no baxide outside here an’ allyuh dey in de mornin’ sun doin’ what udders could only do in dey dreams. I eh go lie nah. Is jealous ah was jealous too bard. Ah tempted tuh say dat we does have tuh do what we have tuh do, buh den ah realize dem kind ah torts does make some ah we miss out on what we want tuh do. Who doh want tuh have de best time ah dey life, even eef is once ah year? De ting ah was watchin’ was jokey like was somebody wid ah lil video camera, buh it was better dan nuttin.

Carnival Tuesday ah was in de office. It might be true fuh some, buh not all Trinis does leave T&T an’ get ah Yankee accent while de plane leavin’ Piarco, it eh even in de sky good yet. It have plenty Trinis ah does meet who here donkey years an’ yuh would swear dey in de fish market, fuss dey Trini accent fresh. One ah dem people by me an’ me an’ dem tork Carnival lil bit. Every now an’ den ah had tuh remember where ah was an’ tone dong mih voice as it was gettin’ louder all de time. Who does whisper when dey recountin’ anyting about Carnival? All now ah shoutin’.

I eh know how tuh say dis widout gettin’ allyuh vex buh wait an’ hear mih out before any violence.

Ah glad Carnival done.

Hold orn! Hold orn! Allyuh eh just agree tuh wait before gettin’ violent? After all, ah have a damn good reason fuh sayin’ dat ah glad it done. It selfish buh who say selfish an’ good cyar go tuhgedder?

De reason ah glad is because ah doh have tuh tink about allyuh letting allyuh hair dong and havin’ ah good time.

It have so much strife, mauvais langue, bacchanal, madness, mad people, killin’, lyin’, an’ just unadulterated dotishness in dis world dat people does forget how tuh let dey hair dong an’ have ah good time. Once upon ah time lettin’ yuh hair dong was ah woman ting buh now dat man does put rope in dey hair, pretendin’ dey have dreads……. Ah doin’ dat digressin’ ting again, ent?

When does all dem negative tings does start in people life anyway? Den de older yuh get is de more all dem does want tuh get yuh older even faster. Eef de hair on yuh head is yuh own, man or woman, den it does start tuh get grey. Eef is rope, woman or man dis time, den ah guess yuh eh have worry about gettin’ grey. Just remember, is up tuh you tuh decide how ole yuh feel versus how old de calendar say yuh is.

So wid all de madness dat does go orn, what so wrong wid sayin’ ‘eff it’ once ah year an’ headin’ tuh T&T fuh Carnival?

I sayin’ dat next year, so let mih practice from all now. ‘Eff it, I gorn Carnival’. Yes it soundin’ sweet already.

Some people does say ‘eff it’ all de time because dey tie dong an’ cyar do what dey want an’ go let dey hair dong in Triniland fuh Carnival.

What ah tink does make de whole Trini Carnival more sweet, is dat in Triniland it have people who doh even bodder wid Carnival! Dey does go by de beach!! It cyar be me alone seein’ de irony in dat. People freakin’ out in de airport in New York cause dey might miss Carnival an’ people in de land ah Carnival sayin’ dey own ‘eff dis’ an’ gorn by de sea. Now who go try an’ tell mih dat eh sweet like ah good Julie Mango? Soursop den?

It have ah next ting dat allyuh does take fuh granted buh I does feel does tell de entire story about Triniland right dey. It eh woman beatin’ pan, cause dat eh new. It eh schools involve in pan eidder, even doh when I was in school, no school chirren wasn’t beatin’ no pan an’ it sure as hell eh had no organized competition.

What ah torkin’ about was ah picture dat stop mih in mih tracks an’ had mih smilin’. Was ah shot of ah totally happy pan beater from Phase II after dey beat Silver Stars. It was ah woman, buh like ah say dat common. Is Chinese woman beatin’ pan in Panorama common? Dat was de picture right dey an’ it say more about de multi cultural nature ah de country dan ten thousand words. Fuh anybody wantin’ tuh know what it is I carryin’ orn so about cause dat common long time? Mih response is de same. It mightn’t look like it, buh Triniland changin’. Ah go ignore de steupsers an’ say when I was growin’ up, de onlyest place yuh used tuh see de Chinee Trini was in he grocery store. Now I seein’ he granddaughter in ah picture celebratin’ de side she beatin’ pan for winnin’ de competition. Dat eh progress? Ah remember de fuss time ah non-Indian beat ah Tassa Drum in Hosay. Dat right day make dat one ah de biggest Hosay it ever had oui. Or when pan geh beat in church de first time. Most people de priest ever see in he church was fuh dat ‘service’. So maybe dat is de real story in dat picture. Dem kind ah new tings doh cause nobody tuh look twice no more.

So Carnival 2013 done. From all accounts it was safe. Unless is you or yours dat ah crime geh committed against.

While de people who does spend too much time blowin’ smoke was boastin’ about how safe tings was, ah article in de Jamaican papers cyatch mih eye. Was ah story about ah prominent Jamaican who daughter geh stab an’ rob dong south ah tink de story say. Dat is why as say ‘safe’ is relative.

Okay okay ah bussin’ inside. Ah did tell mihself nuttin too negative dis blog an’ ah was doin’ so good ah tink. So let mih still say in de Carnival 2013 theme an’ rant. Leh we go:

What de arse wrong wid de Caribbean News Media Group an’ de National Carnival Bands Association? What? What? Dem is big people or lil chirren?

Somebody correct mih eef ah wrong buh de $90 million de govahment say it fork out fuh 2013, any ah dat went tuh de National Carnival Bands Association? How dem people could hold dey hand out beggin’ on one side an’ turnin’ arong an’ tellin’ ah next govahment entity tuh pay dem? Why de money de govahment does fork out doh cover de showin’ ah Carnival live on TV? Is just me or de idea of de country’s biggest show an’ nuttin live on tv doh suggest dem people eh know what dey doin’?

Ah know most ah dis rant eh have nuttin tuh do wid how much fun people had enjoyin’ dey mas, buh still.

And Mr. Ken Ali of de TV station, yes ah tink is you. Yuh is ah business man ah take it. Is really December 2012 you an’ de udder side siddong tuh negotiate? December? Allyuh discussion does go so good every year dat allyuh eh even tink tuh start torkin’ in maybe…. November, just in case tings eh go smood? Ah next ting Mr Ali? What exactly I suppose tuh feel when you apologize fuh no live broadcast buh tell me dat is only allyuh TV station dat does even bodder wid showin’ Carnival? Dat suppose tuh do what? Make me feel good? You need licks oui. Since allyuh is de only station den is allyuh dat one year advertise an’ sell all kind ah Carnival package fuh people den udder people like me waltz tuh we computer, click on allyuh link an’ see if all fuh free? Dat was allyuh, ent? Ah did like dat too bard, buh from ah business perspective it was beyond dotish. Dem people who pay packages scream fuh days ah seem tuh recall.

Nobody eh ask me so let mih give mih advice fuh Carnival 2014 as de clock start clickin’ dong as soon as it was 12.01am Wednesday de 13th. Eidder de govahment cover de cost ah de live video or you an’ de udder side sit allyuh baxide dong like in June an’ start negotiatin’. Try ah ting an’ see if allyuh could agree on someting lil longer dan just one year!

Okay, rant done. Ah good again.

So yeah man, like Carnival 2013 was really nice.

Look fuh mih next year. I eh know who ah go jump wid since McFarlane say he done. Ah wonder eef it have ah MacFarlane Jr.?