Before ah start mih tirade dis week about whatever it is ah go be tiradin’ about, ah want tuh say ah few words about de upcomin’ Carnival. First, eef yuh is ah woman an’ yuh doh have de bra an’ panty costume ready by now, relax yuhself an’ wait fuh Carnival 2014.

Ah was tinking dat ah couldn’t let dis one parse widout it own blog from me, buh ah reconsider. Yes, ah cyar let de Greatest Show on Earth parse just so, buh ah certainly could let it parse widout it own column.

De reason fuh dat simple.

Is donkey years now me eh see Trini Carnival. Ah see carnival udder places, buh nuttin recent in T&T. Mih Trini Carnival torts dated because ah dat. Mih best memories are of de family packin’ up de Sunday night an’ headin’ into tong tuh stay which part mih fadda was wukkin’. When ah ban’ parse, we rush tuh de gallery tuh watch it. Den early early Ash Wednesday, sun eh even raise up yet, we done pack up an’ headin’ back dong way we did live. Ah did finally geh ole enough tuh break out ah dat an’ go mih own way fuh carnival. Ah had tuh add dat in case people tink dem udders is all mih experiences.

Carnival is about de five senses an’ only ah dotish man go try an’ tork about how it is now, eef all he have is dated memories. Like before Chutney an’ Pee Pee trucks. Like when man used tuh fight wid cutlash when dey bands clash. Listen tuh de late Lord Blakie describe dat in he classic, even if yuh hear it already. (De URL go be at de end ah de blog).

Ah eh dey tuh see an’ hear so ah goin’ an’ shut mih trap right now. Buh fuss, leh mih tell all who go be part ah de excitement, de fetes, de competition, de joyous madness, enjoy allyuh self an’ be safe. Who does jump up almost nekkid, den jump up almost nekkid. Who does tief small wine from who does be jumpin’ up almost nekkid, den tief small wine. Yuh geh hit wid ah bottle fuh dat den yuh lucky. Man does shoot man fuh less dan dat now.

Remember dat eh an’ be safe.

Ah orf now tuh dem who does keep bouncin’ dey toe. Anybody know somebody who does be bouncin’ dey toe all de time? Dey toe, dey elbow, even dey head? Yuh might tink yuh eh know nobody like dat, buh yuh eh tinking hard enough. Ah go give yuh ah hint. Dey initials is ‘PP’. Yes, dem self.

It have dis ting I does call goodwill. When yuh in good wid yuh friend an’ dem yuh does have plenty goodwill. Yuh do someting dotish like bounce yuh toe, an’ yuh goodwill does have yuh friends runnin’ tuh yuh aid an’ blaming whatever yuh bounce yuh toe on.

“Yuh bounce yuh toe? Which one?”

“Which part it hurtin’?”

“Oh gorsh boy, yuh sure yuh could still walk good?”

“Who put dat dey fuh yuh tuh bounce it wid yuh toe?”

Is all kind ah nice comments because yuh friends go be on yuh side.

Dat is goodwill.

Eef yuh goodwill low because yuh friends cyar trust yuh tuh do what yuh say or yuh does lend dem money an’ be boldface tuh want dem tuh pay yuh back, bounce yuh toe an’ yuh go see what does happen.

“Doh lime wid he, he blight.”

“Yuh bounce yuh toe? Serve yuh damn right. Eef yuh didn’t ask mih back fuh de money yuh lend mih larse year, yuh would ah never go an’ bounce yuh toe now.”

“Yuh bounce yuh toe? Steups. Ah bet yuh does trip over cracks in de sidewalk too.”

Den eef people really doh like yuh? Doh even tink about goodwill. Man dey does be waitin’ fuh yuh tuh bounce yuh toe, or yuh head or crack yuh elbow.

Dat is just de way life is.

An’ life like it have de PP bouncin’ dey toe yet again. Dey becomin’ like somebody dat nobody eh like. Now people expectin’ dem tuh bounce dey toe all de time.

I eh want tuh be one ah dem people, buh is human nature, ah cyar help mihself.

De latest toe-bouncin’ is dis ting wid de Commission of Enquiry into what Abu Bakr an’ dem try an’ do in 1990. More accurately, it have tuh do wid one ah de commissioners dat de Guardian say, is ah blasted fraud. Well dey eh use dem exact words, buh eef yuh resume list as ah reference ah man dat done dead an’ ah next man who eh even live, an’ dat yuh graduate from ah school dat does geh yuh all de degrees yuh want eef yuh give dem money, den what you is, eef not ah damn fraud?

I did always tink de commission is ah waste ah time. I eh go call it ah fraud doh.

When Abu an’ dem make dey move?

Let mih de de maths: Three take away zero is three; one take away nine cannot, borrow one from de two, make de zero ten, borrow one from de ten, make dat nine, make de one, eleven. Eleven subtract nine leave two. Nine minus nine is zero; one subtract one is zero. Check mih answer…………… Twenty-three. Twenty-three years ago is when dem Muslim fellas try dey ting. Twenty friggin three.

No govahment didn’t want tuh have no enquiry before now? Ah give de PP lil credit on doing dat, buh den de structure ah de enquiry cause me tuh take back dat lil bit ah credit. De commission does meet fuh ah few weeks den it gorn. Den come back again fuh ah next few weeks den it gorn again. Way it does be goin’ so often? Den when it want tuh tork tuh somebody real important, de person does geh sick. All now dem eh tork tuh Bakr. Abu say he sick or some udder reason he give when dey was ready fuh he. Yuh tink it easy?

Today ah read where one ah Robinson security guards from dat day say he did know someting bard was goin’ an’ happen because it had one set ah birds, crows he say, dat was flyin’ arong de car. Well dat is it right dey. No need fuh intelligence tuh know if tings safe. Look fuh crows.

Buh ah digressin’ again.

Is bounce toe ah de orn.

Dooks admit is he dat approve, no recommend, de fraudster tuh de cyabenit. He say de man contact he an’ say he want tuh serve he country. Dat was honorable. Too much times is cuss yuh does hear people wantin’ tuh do dey country. Dooks den try ah ting tuh dodge ultimate responsibility. He say it wasn’t up tuh he tuh select de man, he just recommend him. Right Dooks, right. You split hairs while allyuh keep bouncin’ allyuh blasted toe.

Just larse week de bounce toe was how dey handle de Tobago election. Dat done geh forgotten in true Trini ten-day news lifecycle fashion.

When go be de next one? Next two weeks? Who tink it might even be one ah week from now orn?

Part ah dis too is how yuh react when yuh toe meet dat hard concrete. Eef yuh does bawl out an’ cuss de mudder ah nobody in particular, den yuh normal. Yuh probably have goodwill in de bank yuh eh cash yet.

Eef yuh does hop lil bit an’ look arong tuh see eef anybody see when yuh bounce yuh toe an’ eef dey laughin’ at yuh, den yuh kind ah normal. Yuh lil bit on de vain side buh dat eh all bad. Work on yuh pride lil bit.

Den it have de people who does bounce dey toe an’ dey eh blink once yet. Is you does squish up yuh face fuh dem like yuh feelin’ de pain.

Eef dey does look at yuh an’ more vex wid you dan wid deyself fuh bouncin’ dey own toe, den run. Dey mad. Dey even madder eef yuh studyin’ how dey act an’ ‘wham’, is ah next toe dey gorn an’ bounce. Yuh does have tuh learn tuh not be shadowin’ what dey do, else people go start lookin’ at you funny.

De PP is dat larse person. Everybody watchin’ dem walk dong de road. I watchin’. Ah wishin’ dey start walkin’ on dey heel. Buh ah fraid dey really blight an’ next ting is nail jook in dey foot.

What is de solution? Can dey do anyting tuh start back up de goodwill dey did have when dey buss de PNM tail? Before superspy head, Reshmi Ramnarine? Before one foot, den de next foot, so two foot in mout, Therese Baptist-Cornelis? Before……. nah, you pick ah time dey bounce dey toe, it had plenty.

Ah eh tink it have ah solution eef dey eh acknowledge dey problem. As far as dey does see, wid dey blind self, dey glidin’ dong de road good. Bounce dey toe? Who ever say dat mad oui. Tings goin’ smood.

Who believe dat lie?

Link to listen an’ watch Lord Blakie in Steelband Clash:

www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=DeyvpBznVnA