November 18, 2017 by Fensic
Ah hadn’t torked tuh mih sister in ah lil while so when she call mih Sunday just after noon, ah was so happy ah follow mih instinct an start orf real jovial bussin fatigue orn she.
I doh recall how she cut mih orf but ah know joy turn tuh apprehension.
She had horrible news she tell mih.
Mih apprehension surged.
Roger just died she tell mih.
Lookin back tuh dat bombshell, I doubt de exhaust from de most powerful jet engine could ah knock me back wid any more force an leave mih gaspin fuh air so.
. . . Roger?
. . . dead?
. . . how?
. . . when?
. . . where?
Frightful answers tuh some an mih questions flash in mih head an didn’t want tuh leave. Ah cyar share none ah dem cause mih cheeks red at what dey implied.
“Guilty wid cause”, is all ah go say in mih defense doh.
Roger had turned 55 about six weeks earlier. Dat is ah age I wouldn’ mind rollin back to so ah could live de larse nine years different. He however eh even get ah chance tuh live dem years once.
Anyway, she must ah just hear de news about Roger as she say she was headin tuh de hospital an it was illness related.
Orn Thursday, family an friends attended Roger’s funeral service after which his body was cremated. So, in de span ah five days, his existence crumbled from being taken for granted to it being snatched away from who knew him, loved him an expected him to live forever or, at de very least not expect him tuh die so soon.
Durin de eulogy, eidder Roger nephew or one ah he nieces read someting Roger brudder write durin ah fit ah emotional turmoil. He couldn’t make de funeral so he let he torts speak. He say was Roger’s time tuh go an while everybody could miss him dey had tuh let him go.
Lil bit more about dat eulogy lil later.
From what ah understand, de papers from de hospital say Roger’ dead from ah embolism; ah, “massive heart attack”, is how he brudder-in-law describe it.
I know better. When ah ask mihself why Roger an why now, de answer is as obvious as dis planet not being flat. I know Roger depart dis world because he work here done an like any self respectin Trini, he knock orf early an gorn he way.
In his case doh he leave someting important behind fuh we.
Anybody who look at Roger as dey brudder or dey husband, brudder-in-law, uncle, cousin or even dey friend, all need tuh decode Roger life an follow de mandate dey originally get just like he. In doin dat we go be livin de answer to my earlier questions of why Roger an why now. Once we follow Roger’s lead we would have made dis world ah better place den any of we did find it when we started knowin we self as chirren.
None ah we was ready fuh him to leave buh in his own way Roger was ready. He had achieved dat one goal . . . nah, I eh like de word ‘goal’. It was ah goal buh it was more, de same mandate each one ah we get when we arrive orn planet Earth.
So in Roger’s case, as ah started tuh say, he must have sensed he had met his requirement. How or why else would he be exhibitin a kind of spiritual readiness over de years dat plenty ah we probably dismissed. Wid we blinders orn we so caught up in we goals we doh see de same mandate.
Most of we doh admit any place good we reach in life is de sum total ah all we do up tuh dat point, good bad or indifferent.
I say he did know any personal goals he had wasn’t in conflict wid he mandate.
His early route take him where most of life’s lessons were learned de hard way. He take dat wisdom an widout drawin attention to himself, set about enrichin de lives of people arong him in ways dat made dem appreciate, love, honor an respect de man.
One time while torkin tuh Roger, ah ask him what he would do eef de dark side ah T&T reach out an snatch anybody in he family.
“Dat is when I go huntin,” he say matter-of-factly. Next ting he was torkin about someting else in de same matter-of-fact way. Me eh remember de new topic or one word ah what he say but, dat comment? It engraved in or orn mih brain, whichever one equals permanency.
While Roger gorn from dis too often cruel world, we who go love him fuh ever go mourn Some ah we might even tap him up lil bit when we lime again. Nobody knows how long any ah we go grieve. However, de longer we do de shorter de time we go have left tuh walk in he shoes. At least we eh go have tuh worry about we foot being too big.
Walkin in dem boats he used tuh wear is not ah prerequisite fuh being able buh call he name an smile some time in de future. But dat walk mandatory eef we want tuh celebrate who he was includin stickin we tongue out at who never did know him. De quicker we start de sooner we go be able tuh call he name an smile instead ah fightin lumps in we throat. Me eh torkin fuh mihself when ah say dat eidder.
Well now is dat ‘lil later’ ah mention earlier. Time fuh de lil bit more from dem words tuh Roger read durin part ah de eulogy.
“Roger, ‘bro’ to you à la Facebook, you have left a hole in my heart that will not be plugged any time soon. Still, I salute you with love and sorrow. Go my brother, two lucky people await you on the other side.”
Dis lorse hurts in ways I cannot begin to describe. I will never stop missin an lovin my brother Roger.
Thank you sir, for everyting.
You must be logged in to post a comment.