February 25, 2017 by Fensic
Any Trini who tink carnival in Trinidad an Tobago is de Monday an Tuesday before Ash Wednesday need tuh get deported. Ship dem tuh Trumpland, fuh sure, eef dey start guessin an expand carnival tuh include de cool dong afterwards since dat does be ah mini carnival by itself.
Of course de various steel band competition does be real excitin, especially fuh expats. We does be de ones denied de supreme delight ah havin all we pores raise up, we minds ridin wave after wave of extra sensory stimulation from all dat sweet pan. Instead, we have tuh take what we could get remotely an hope we memories rich enough tuh do justice tuh what we hearin an watchin orn TV. Dat happen an maybe one ah we pores could raise, two eef we lucky.
Tuh make it even worse, we doh get tuh be part ah de cool dong. I fuh one would like tuh watch de eyes ah all who tinkin maybe one larse small wine go hold dem till next carnival.
Wow! Ah almost get carried away dey yes. Let mih come back tuh mih theory quick.
Man dem calypsonians does not only provide wicked social commentary it amazin too how every year ah few ah dem does look into dey social crystal ball tuh come up wid lyrics an ah beat dat go have people hummin away den chippin dong, up, across — which ever direction de stage is, come carnival.
Yes, dem tings all well an good buh I puttin out ah bold theory: All dem tings, an more, is nuttin buh distractions from de real bacchanal, de true carnival which is all dem row it does have before j’ouvert could reach, some after it start.
Fuh who want tuh challenge mih, go ahead. Tell me de larse time it eh had endless argument during de carnival buildup. Check all de way back tuh dem Canboulay Riots. De bacchanal eh stop since an people who cyar get enough does reenact dem riots every carnival now.
De beauty ah my “real carnival” theory is dat from year tuh year hardly anybody could predict what form de bacchanal go take. It could be someting brand new. It could be ah issue from de previous year or someting unresolved fuh many years. It could even be someting unresolved dat get dropped den picked back up so fresh eyes could look at it. Everybody does just go wid de flow, as long as de bacchanal ripe.
Not Calabash or Julie mango ripe nah. Dem is sweet ting people does lick between dey fingers fuh any juice remainin. Nobody wid sense eh gettin close tuh what ripe at carnival time, far less lickin any fingers after.
Pan Trinbago an de NCC warm tings up dis year. De heat from dat warmness attack Pan Trinbago president an he end up in de hospital where tings was cooler. Some people might want tuh believe what he really do was get out ah de kitchen. Ask dem cynics why an dey might say because ah de changes de govahment was torkin ah makin wid who was goin tuh handle de gate at Pan Trinbago events.
I doh know bout any ah dat. My onlyest focus is orn de bacchanal I arguin is de real carnival an de ting wid Pan Trinbago qualify it.
Who would ah tink namin de finalists fuh de Calypso Monarch finals would ah be dat ripe dis year? All TUCO had tuh do was tell all de semi-finalist . . . “allyuh hear nah. We goin an call 16 names. Eef one ah dem is yours, congratulations yuh in de finals. Eef not it always have next year. Allyuh good wid dat?”
Dat is what TUCO do after all de semi-finalist did say yes, dey good. Tings change when de names geh call an man — an woman, eh hear dey name. Under threat ah one of many lawsuit, TUCO say dis one singer who name dey call now disqualified. In she place was de singer who threaten tuh sue. De reason fuh de flip flop? De disqualified singer not ah Trini an it right dey in de rules:
TRINIS ONLY!! (Buh eef yuh not ah Trini yuh could still sing at yuh own risk cause eef yuh displace ah real Trini from de finals an dat Trini get damn vex an want tuh buss we head like now, we, TUCO, go disqualify yuh. As tuh what would happen eef nobody eh object an yuh did win de whole ting before de runner up sue? We eh know, dis bacchanal ting complicated so is one step at ah time fuh we).
Who know why TUCO went an find ah rock next tuh ah hard place an siddong in between. It not important why dey disqualify de one singer alldoh threat of ah law suit from de udder singer sound good.
Still, bacchanal cyar be bacchanal eef yuh goin an look fuh logic. De only rule is bystanders not supposed tuh know how de bacchanal go go. Not so de next step in dis baccahnal.
De singer TUCO disqualify tell TUCO she suin dey baxide. Surprise! Surprise! More buss head fuh TUCO.
I start switchin from cheek tuh cheek in mih chair anticipatin what might happen next. Dis is now de kind ah bacchanal ah bacchanal lover does love: Damned eef yuh do, demand eef yuh don’t. I was rootin fuh whichever singer was goin an buss TUCO head. Ah get outsmart cause TUCO flip widout floppin. Dey announce both singers in de finals.
Dat piece ah bacchanal was too short. What go fill de void until dem women in dey fifth of ah yard ah corstume material an wid dey waist orn ball bearings, take over?
Every year people memory does purge itself when dat happen. What was all de bacchanal bout again? Now we go have tuh wait til next year tuh see how TUCO go treat wid ah new set ah competitors movin along from competition start; tuh semi-finals; tuh finals an tuh winner.
Not dat anybody need me tuh give dem ideas, buh what happen tuh who de non Trini beat tuh reach de semi-finals? Dey realize yet dey waste ah huge clump ah bacchanal? I vex.
Udder tings get tossed out dey wid de potential tuh become bacchanalian. It have familiar rings tuh dem like de threat tuh punish bands eef dey members behave bad. Somebody issuin gun tork out ah season cause any Easter parade is after carnival.
Fuhget Pavlov an he nameless dorg.
As ah here expoundin mih theory orn what is de true carnival, ah findin mih mouth startin tuh spring water an mih pores feelin funny. Mih toes an dem? Dey twitchin an mih fingers tappin de table. Is like mih whole body wantin tuh move. Ah tink ah know why too.
Despite all de roadblocks, all de disagreements, all de pre-carnival bacchanal, I, like everybody else, want tuh keep de jammin goin still.
Ah too far doh.
Fuh who right dey, enjoy carnival 2017 an be safe allyuh hear?
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