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De question get asked, now everybody, doh answer at de same time

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February 18, 2017 by Fensic

I eh tink I was one ah dem who used tuh get plenty licks in school because mih head was hard. Dat doh mean I eh well get mih share eh.

Subject an object not agreein?

Changin tense in sentences just so?

Cyar conjugate ah irregular verb? Steups. Man dem was just some ah de tings teachers in primary school used tuh cyatch dey nennen tryin tuh parse orn tuh de future generations ah Trinidad an Tobago. Dat was de easy part fuh we.

When was dictation, if de teacher start orf wid, “it was ah black night”, you had better not write “knight” tuh describe what was black. Yuh was supposed tuh know Trevor McDonald was still just ah radio commentator in Triniland.

Eef I did know back den dat technically English was ah livin breedin entity an always changin, ah doubt ah would ah get de same amount ah licks ah get. Ah probably would ah get more pointin out technicalities tuh mih teachers. Dey would ah tell mih tuh focus orn what de rules was at de moment. Now ah big an know de onlyest ting dat constant is change, de licks ah get have mih strugglin tuh accept de cavalier way people who suppose tuh inform de rest ah we does use de language tuh do so.

Just tuh be clear, dis mini rant not aimed at any local dialect or informal way ah torkin. Eef dat was de case, www trinispeak dot com could never exist.

Someplace ah have ah file where ah collectin some ah what tuh me is interestin tings Trini journalists does get away writin. Dey not alone of course. Ah suspect dey does wait until dey editor asleep tuh slip dem tings in an hit enter. Dat have tuh be de case right. Who callin deyself ah editor would knowingly let dem tings go by?

Ah doh even have tuh try an find dat file tuh relay what is one ah mih favorite piece ah English. De article was about ah murder in Triniland. De reporter write dat de man head was decapitated from he body. Gruesome image once yuh bypass how it get presented.

Eef I did say dat in primary school ah would ah get licks fuh tryin tuh show orf usin ah big word I eh know de meanin of. Eef ah did write it in ah essay would ah be more licks. In fact, mih teacher would ah say in he will he own beatin me an he parsin dong ownership fuh de licks tuh continue every day fuh every day dat God spare mih life.

Just in case it have anybody scratchin dey head wonderin what rong wid writin how de man head was decapitated from he body: Tuh decapitate mean tuh cut de head orf.

I recall one time I did write ah essay orn patchin ah bicycle tire. Ah write once yuh take de inner tube out an put in it in de basin ah water, yuh have tuh inflate it wid air.

Ah wish ah did get licks fuh writin dat. At least it would ah stop hurtin in ah week or two. Instead de teacher stop mih an ask: “What else yuh go inflate it wid boy?”

Dat question an dem snide giggles from de brainiacs in de class, does have mih wakin up in de middle ah de night, up tuh larse night, drippin wid sweat at mih failure tuh patch dat tire. I eh even want tuh discuss dem hardheaded classmates who tink ah fuhgive how dey laugh de loudest when dem know I did know dey didn’t know what inflate mean.

Tuhday, ah could say what I did say back den since de language has evolved which is ah next way tuh say dotishness is in so yuh have tuh explain everyting. Plus, dem hardheaded chirren grow up an marrid one anudder ensurin ah continuous supply ah hardheaded chirren.

It have a logical reason why ah orn dis topic. Ah was dey lookin fuh someting different tuh tork about; someting like ah pillow — fluffy. Ah mean carnival happenin just now an people lookin forward tuh ah mindless break. Reality orn pause fuh dem folks an go resume rong March 1st so ah was respectin dey unspoken wish. It was in dat spirit ah humanity ah was browsin de papers fuh fluff.

Mastercard: The World’s Most Advanced Payments Technology Company dey article headline say.

Hmmm . . . ah was de cyat.

First of all, de article not fluff in joke. Buh who write it an where dey is? I eh know cause any search ah do bring mih back tuh de Express which have ah dateline orn de article of Miami, Florida – February 13, 2017.

Wid no writer picture tuh stare dong an steups at, ah more dan doubly vex wid dat person fuh not knowin eef Mastercard is singular or plural. Usin ah singular verb in one sentence an den usin de plural in de next sentence? Maybe dat is why ah cyar find de writer name or picture.

Licks could still share doh. Some fuh de Express editor who let dat crappy fluff of ah article parse. Not wid all de tings related tuh business ah Trini reporter could ah write widout upsettin anybody carnival preparations.

De excuse I does hear fuh why more an more people does be so lackadaisical in dey formal communication doh cut it wid me nah. I get too much licks tuh dat.

Even eef it really is because more an more people does communicate in more an more casual ways, den what was de excuse fuh dem hardheaded chirren of long ago who spawn all dese current super hardheaded people?

Maybe was because we had more dan 140 characters. Still, yuh had tuh love grabbin pen an paper tuh exchange ideas wid somebody, especially eef dey did live far. None ah dis friendin business; was all about pen pals. Nah me eh explainin dat in honor ah all mih own pen pals of old.

As more ways tuh communicate keep comin, eef dat lame, casual-communication-is-de-cause explanation is indeed true, it mean dat by bout April 2024, man an woman, go be back tuh gruntin again an only usin nouns, pronouns, verbs an adverbs. Dat go be proof positive tings does move in circles.

Ah need tuh calm mihself an go listen tuh de Calypso Fiesta semi-finals oui, all forty singers. Mih pardnah just call an give me ah out from dis blog when he ask mih eef ah not watchin de show. At least is only one song per calypsonian. Bard kaiso is like bard cholesterol.

Good kaiso is good kaiso doh so ah expect ah whole set ah bitin social commentary. Mih pardnah done tell mih de question one calypsonian ask in song is: Who forkin up de country?

Yuh see dat? Dem is de kind ah question I was hopin tuh avoid answerin when ah start dong dis road.

Ah gorn see eef maybe ah next calypsonian answer.

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