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Uncle Ellis, ah lorse mih way . . . yuh mind?

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January 28, 2017 by Fensic

Dis is one ah dem times when de journey more interestin dan de destination.

First, ah had Pan Trinbago in mih cross-hairs. Oh de irony: Carnival time, pan gettin beat, Pan Trinbago executives gettin dey share . . . of de licks. Buh wid all de licks Pan Trinbogo really need, no size guava branch would stop mih hand from huttin mih. In dis case, why beat de chile when de parent right dey? Everybody know corruption ent? Some intimately too. So de idea ah beatin one ah it chirren tuh promote irony is dotishly ironic.

Dat is when fate put ah hand an Uncle Ellis turn up. So what eef dis is de first time I ever hear bout he? Eh? Eh? Steeuuuuups.

Ah was orf an runnin. Ah stop quick doh: Ah really eh know dis Uncle Ellis fella. Research time.

Dis is when ah had tuh make lemonade.

Fuh every person who never hear about Uncle Ellis before dis year, it have hundreds who start knowin bout he arong carnival larse year, 2016. For everyone ah dem it have udders who see him in early 2013 in Bunji Garlin Differentology, de unofficial video.

Den it have all de people who love KFC dong Independence Square in tong.

Somebody in ah video call him ah vagrant. How many vagrants does get tuh tief ah small wine from ah social media celebrity like ah Blac Chyna?

Me eh know how what cause what happen next tuh mih tuh happen, ah must ah black out lil bit or someting cause next ting I know I mixin up Lord Melody wid Lord Nelson like I is ah bard bartender. I was tinkin Lord Melody, who dead quite in 1988, was in one ah dis year carnival kaiso competition.

Once ah realize ah was rong, it wasn’t Melody in any competition in 2017, ah had tuh listen tuh someting from both ah dem. Ah start wid Nelson King Liar. After ah take in dem great lies, was orn tuh Melody an he Mama Look Ah Boo-Boo. Dat classic almost as hard tuh find as Lord Invader singin he own Rum an Coca Cola.

Uncle Who was ah distant memory by den cause ah was orf tuh Sparrow an Melody in dey picong battle, from de days when dem two did insult one anudder in kaiso all over de place. Listenin tuh dem tryin not tuh buss was early Santimanitay at it best fuh me.

Ah could hear somebody sayin, wid longin in dey voice, how dem was de days. How ah calypso was ah story wid real words, plenty words, an how dem words could make years worth ah songs fuh one ah tuhday Soca artist wid he 5 – 10 words per song.

I eh takin credit fuh sayin dat cause it have Soca music I love. Dat would be clear from all de pontification dat went orn next between experts.

Bunji Garlin Carnival Tabanca get call de best Soca song. Never, I say.

Not when it have Benjai an Phenomenal. Dat chorus? Yuh doh have tuh go tuh church tuh get touched by de spirit nah. Just get de words in dat chorus right, before yuh go an cyatch de rong power.

Once de ole tork arong dat done, curiosity send we tuh see how dem udder islands does do dey carnival.

Antigua an Barbuda? Comin tuh come. Would give ah all-inclusive fete ah good run.

Barbados? Okay so dey does string rope on eidder side ah dey music truck an who playin mas have tuh jump up between dem ropes? Who tief dat idea from who?

Carnival is ah celebration ah de female form wid de occasional shutless man showin orf twitchin pectoral muscles. Fuh me, too many ah dem Bajan women had orn too much clothes. Ah couldn’t even see dey ankles sometimes.

Jamaica mas closest tuh Triniland’s. I go be keepin mih eye orn dem. It eh have nuttin tuh do wid how ah could see more dan just ankles. Call me T&T’s unofficial lorse prevention officer fuh now.

Wait ah Trini second!

What it is ah say just now . . . all-inclusive fete in Triniland?

Random tort association kick een albeit out loud.

Army fete? Steups . . .

Bishops fete? Steups . . .

QRC fete? More teups . . .

Soca in Mo. . . SOCA IN MOCA!

Random torts done right dey.

Ah never been tuh one buh dis is how ah picture it: De perfect mix — gay abandon, eef dat phrase eh lorse it meanin dese days, an culture. Dat is fete.

In my days, was only bush fuh so up Moca. Eef wasn’t fuh de school, nobody went up dey, except tuh tief orange an cocoa. Nah, cocoa would take up precious space in yuh bag, so orange only. Not dat it had any way fuh me tuh know dat, fuh sure.

Was only one direction traffic used tuh head in de afternoon once yuh did parse “De Village.” Dis fete change all ah dat.

When ah close mih eye now ah get ah clear picture ah we up dey fuh Soca in Moca. We go recreate de best 6th forms Trinity ever had. It go be de, after picture. We might even tink ah dancin wid dem Bishops gyal an dem. We back in de day would be de before picture of course.

Back tuh now. When ah stop torkin it get quiet quick. Everybody was wid mih orn dat journey yes.

Journey?

Journey?

Wait.

Ah was supposed tuh be gettin information about someting else buh what . . . oh yes, Uncle Ellis. Ah did fuhget about he oui. Ah have tuh go wid what ah have.

He not only arong we age, he would appreciate all dem songs ah link to above; every single one. An he wid join we in Moca.

He would also know anudder artist I eh mention yet buh who music ah listen to during mih unintended digression — Maestro! How great was dat talent.

Considerin is donkey years me eh hear any ah he tunes, once ah start listenin dey come back tuh mih like was yesterday. Take Fiery.

Nah yuh eh hear it good, try again.

Is 40 years ago dis year he dead in ah car accident. Dat make ah next one ah he songs ah listen to plain eerie. It name Bionic Man. Listen tuh dem words. No link tuh dem from me. Who interested in ah under-rated legend go have tuh do some legwork. De song release de same year he get kill.

Oh shoot! Uncle Elliiiiis!!

Ah see yuh does be cuttin style orn de radio an ting! Yuh even have ah Facebook page. Twitter account to? Like yuh well taken care of. Better dan larse year when yuh was more ah pappyshow. Now, look who have kaiso out fuh 2017 — You!

It have dis version dat hide yuh environment. Den it have dis version here dat let it all hang out. An what is dis tork ah hearin about possible Road March contender?

Nice man. Nice

All de best fuh de season. Put ah two shilling aside now an den. Fuh when yuh days of fame an fortune done.

Ah hear both ah dem fleetin.


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