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Mih prediction about me fuh dis winter

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November 26, 2016 by Fensic

While technically is still November an winter eh reach fuh real, ah still comfortable predictin bad news: Me an dis winter season eh go be huggin up an parlancin come J’ouvert mornin. De warnin signs all over de place. Any how ah look at dem is de same conclusion.

How many years now ah outlast cold wedder? An not just once each year buh twice? I eh want tuh count.

Yet, out ah all ah dem is only de larse few have mih bawlin. De me of now is not de me from dem days. Not ah peep from dat mih in mih first winter. Ah doh remember it well buh ah went in dis store tuh buy mih first winter jacket. De one ah was wearin was only good fuh standin in front de fridge wid de freezer door open.

Anyway, ah didn’t buy no coat at dat store. It wasn’t until ah walk out an de hawk grab mih dat ah realize ah leave mih jacket in de store. Ah rush back tuh look fuh it. After searchin an searchin ah find it orn ah rack, waitin fuh somebody tuh buy it.

Even when mih borse tell de department de onlyest way she acceptin absences from wuk is eef trains not runnin in de city or, we callin tuh say we dead. Sometimes, dat second excuse did look temptin cause NYC had ah reputation fuh trains always runnin, wedder be damned.

Now, ah could only look back at dat me an shake mih head. De me of now cyar take de cold no more. Forty degrees is like twenty back den. When dey say it freezin outside, I done frozen. Tap mih wid ah hammer an ah go break in pieces.

An is only November. Dis shit go be goin orn until March, maybe part ah April even.

Eef dat wasn’t madness, add dis Daylight Savings nonsense.

Me eh blamin de idiot who tort tuh change de clocks twice ah year was ah good idea. Nope, I want tuh kill de person who listen tuh dat idea an wid eyes gleamin say yes, leh we do dat.

First of all, me eh like de idea ah stayin up until two in de mornin tuh change de time orn mih microwave. I could barely operate de damn ting far less remember which buttons tuh push tuh change de clock. Besides, dem buttons so chinky. When I tink ah change de time an press Enter tuh set it de microwave does start runnin fuh eidder one or three minutes dependin orn eef ah tryin tuh spring forward or fall back. Ah fix it tail doh. Now de lights orn de microwave does only flash.

Eef dat wasn’t enough, dis idea ah it being pitch black outside at five o’clock in de evenin doh sit good wid me. I eh meanin de-sun-goin-dong kind ah dark, ah mean flambeau-carryin-pitch-black dark. It so depressin.

Darkness an cold doh mix. Once I reach home me eh goin back outside unless de place bunnin dong. Ah doh have nuttin tuh cook? Mih empty belly could be vex an grumble all it want is sugar water washin dong whatever it have in de fridge.

Trinis who never experience what it like fuh it tuh be pitch black at five o’clock, cyar imagine it. Gorn are de days when criminals would like darkness since it give dem more time tuh tief an nobody know who dey is. Now, dem fellas doh even hide dey face in de daytime when dey pumpin bullet into victims. Darkness just not ah factor. It also mightn’t affect after work limin. Eef ah hurricane comin it does have hurricane lime so, eef Triniland had it own dark at five o’clock law, dat could mean ah whole new category ah limin — unless dem bad boys say different. Dat not de kind ah help ah was lookin for tuh show Trinis how depressin dark at five does be.

Me an mih pardnah was torkin about how depressin it is. He too had enough. He claim it only have two options fuh he —Trinidad an Florida an he eh goin tuh eidder. Me an he argue fuh de longest while over why he sayin he cyar go Florida.

Are de days gone when ah Trini livin in de cold would pack up an head fuh de warmth ah T&T arong November an keep enjoyin it until like late April, early May just tuh be safe? Ah just remember people doin dat.

It bad enough early in de mornin tuh hear de radio announcer, wid ah edge ah glee sayin how cold it is outside. Dat mean ah have tuh put orn all dese extra clothes tuh go tuh wuk. Ah never had ah borse who say, “it snowin? Stay home nah, an tomorrow too eef de snow eh melt.”

Maybe ah wouldn’t be bawlin as much or as loud eef was just de winter ah had tuh worry about. Eef dat was de case when ah done groan about it ah just go an buy more sweat pants an make dat mih first layer ah clothes while wonderin since when mih bottom cyar take cold. When all de anti cold-wedder fat leave from it? Add de dreariness ah pitch-black-at-five, an ah cyar take it.

Life as it suppose tuh be enjoyed by humans does stop; at least wid me. Fuh who still not addin one an one right, eef I did promise tuh parse by you dis year an de first warnin it gettin cold reach before me, doh look fuh mih in de next four months. Make it five fuh yuh own good. Yuh more dan welcome tuh drop by me, just doh expect mih tuh walk yuh tuh de front door when yuh leavin.

Trinis no different from udder immigrants who take dey culture tuh dey new home an spread it. You name it an we take it wid we — except one ting — moppin an goin parangin. De reason why real obvious tuh you too by now, ent?

So as ah preparin fuh dis latest spell ah hostile wedder dat ah cyar see because it so dark outside, ah tryin tuh ease de bacchanal me an it go have. Mih idea is tuh imitate seals an put orn ah extra layer ah blubber.

After dat ah go have tuh enlist de new president. He say he goin tuh Washington tuh drain de swamp. Is swamp dwellers who put in place dat dotish jumpin here an springin over dey, law or whatever it call. Maybe he might listen tuh de plea of somebody representin immigrants. So far is only two ah we ah know about fuh sure.

Ah did say we is immigrants right? Ah have tuh call mih partner den. If I insist orn writin dat letter an he insist Florida out den he go have tuh consider de place we eh argue about.

Me?

Even wid all de complain ah complainin, I flexible. Fuh now ah goin an buy more sweat pants.

 


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