February 27, 2016 by Fensic
Is only one ting he say he wanted tuh know when he call:
When I read de Trini news, do I get scared like he?
Since me an he cut from de same clort, ah expect him tuh know dem is de kind ah questions dat does run de deepest.
Dat doh mean I had trouble cause ah answer one time. In fact, ah pretty sure it sounded like ah was waitin fuh dat one question fuh years.
“Man, I doh understand how Trinilanders does manage tuh continue livin like nuttin eh happenin arong dem. I would need like 10 minutes tuh digest ah story about ah gruesome double murder yet it does get shove up against udder stories about normal activities— ah sportin event here, ah awards ceremony dey, ah conference someplace else.”
While dem wasn’t mih exact words, dey mirrored mih torts.
Mih mind hopscotch tuh ah story dat eh had no direct connection tuh Trinbago. Was about dis fella who just get let out ah prison an de amount ah time he spend in solitary confinement. It relevant because it show how far de extreme is yet how easy it is tuh get orn dat road an keep goin an goin until yuh reach. Ah wonder which one worse; confinement udders impose orn yuh or, de kind dat individuals impose orn deyself against ah perceived threat buh which collectively dey could do someting about.
Ah watched pictures ah dis man an let mih imagination run free, tuh borrow ah phrase from ah mayor who just resign fuh gross insensitivity.
Ah could see dis ex-prisoner in any ah dem “udder” stories in Triniland. Yuh could have him winnin ah endurance race which in ah way he did do.
Yuh could have him gettin ah award, which he deserve. Anybody in de audience wishin dey had he will tuh survive would be devaluin dey own expressin of doin de same ting. As ah result dat person would need ah few lashes tuh remind dem.
Yuh could have him givin ah tork at ah conference about he drive tuh stay sane. He would be preachin tuh ah choir ah Trinis who drive tuh survive just as strong as his.
All dat is ah sidebar. De real ting ah had an will always have trouble wid is how life does goes orn in T&T so normal. Ah spend most ah de call explorin dat.
Yuh could take two reporters, or even painters, an let dem practice dey craft. Only ting is one have tuh focus orn crime an de udder orn everyting else. Dey go end up paintin very different pictures ah de country, both accurate. But should only perception rule? What eef dat view destructive an so engrained wid no signs showin it gettin stopped, as de papers does seem tuh relish remindin everybody? I mightn’t be de onlyest one doin dey own version ah John Lennon Imagine oui.
So when mih pardnah admit he does read about dem Trini stories an geh worried he preachin tuh de choir.
“Imagine,” he say, “ shootin de people an standin dey makin sure dey dead.”
De sad reality is eef he did say dat later in de year, ah mightn’t ah be able tuh remember which murder scene he was torkin about.
“Tuh tink dey was plannin tuh shoot ah teacher an kill school chirren.”
Ah remember shakin mih head at dat one when ah first read about it cause it break long-standin assumptions ah had. When any long-standin assumption dat form mih core belief geh break, it upsets mih equilibrium. When mih equilibrium upset, ah does get forced tuh reprocess everyting in de hunt fuh ah new balancin point. Dat hard fuh ole dorgs.
Tanks tuh de Chaguanas North Secondary School, ah realize how rong ah been all dese years. Ah didn’t know definitions change de day after I leave 6th form. Now ah know ah could automatically tink criminal when yuh see ah teenage student breakin biche. So, ah addin student-criminal tuh mih vocabulary, next tuh student-athlete.
While Trinis from one end ah de country tuh de udder keep redefinin, “normal”, we orn de outside go keep seein tings via filtered lens. Dis wasn’t one ah dem times when me an mih pardnah was solvin de country problems. We was exposin we own fears. In dat context ah bring up de across de board issue ah indiscipline.
“Young people not dotish. Dey seein de onlyest ting poleece does cyatch is dey nennen. Why dey should feel is dem who go get cyatch when dey play follow de leaders,” ah ask.
Ah toss een de story about de patrons at Movie Towne wantin tuh fight over one ah dem holdin ah seat.
When Rowley say de education system failin, he torkin in general? Ah mean one group always dominatin de exam results like is only it does study hard enough. Or he torkin in code, unlike Gypsy when he sing about Little Black Boy 5 years before Chin Lee an de failed Operation Anaconda?
Fuh some expats, de idea ah returnin tuh wherever home is tuh contribute an relax is part ah dey soul. I eh know eef is because dey migrated arong ah certain age or is because dey never break ties since most ah dey family still back home. I eh even know how many expats does be serious about movin back once dey retire. Eef nuttin else is ah dream, like tinkin yuh go go tuh heaven when yuh dead. All I know is ah was never so stressed in mih own homeland until dat night ah decide tuh take ah stroll along Ariapita Ave an recall when it was home tuh middle-ish an upper-ish middle class Trinis.
Orn my stroll, anybody comin tuhwards mih was goin an rob mih. Eef dey didn’t, was only because dey was plannin tuh lock mih neck from behind once dey parse mih an ah drop mih guard. Buh ah never drop mih guard. Dat make fuh ah stressful stroll. An me eh even know eef bandits does still lock people neck. After all, less labor intensive forms ah robbin people now available.
Tuh move back home ah would have tuh do some serious adjustment ah mih tinkin an where ah decide tuh stroll at night. Ah would have tuh make dem in ah fraction ah de 15 years most Trinis been doin dey own life-style modifications.
Fifteen years. Dat is about how long ago Chin Lee announce Operation Anaconda.
Fifteen years. Trinis under 20 doh know nuttin about anudder life-style.
Unless de people who have de power tuh change tings begin connecting de dots ah go stick tuh mih duelin emotions watchin dem reporters an painters. I go keep enjoyin de highs ah does get when ah see tings dat showcase endless Trini talent. Den I go hope de lows doh wash way dem highs. At least not all de time so. Ah go know ah change fuh de better happenin when ah stop sayin tuh mihself after anudder tragedy: Ah next one dey eh go solve.
I eh want tuh keep impersonatin John Lennon.
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