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Lotteries, smart men an de future.

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January 16, 2016 by Fensic

I eh win . . . again.

Ah whole billion dollar purse, an me wid one stinkin number.

Millions an more millions ah people waste millions an more millions ah dollars orn ah pipe dream. Worse yet, while usin questionable logic tuh justify de unjustifiable. Why we, ah mean dem, line up tuh hand over hard-earned dollars tinkin we dey, go win ah pot wid all dem American dollars in it? St. Anns just not big enough fuh all ah we, ah mean dem. Maybe it have ah new unused medical buildin someplace in de world dat could house everybody. No staff needed, just lock we inside.

How sad.

Not about how none ah we losers eh win, but because Trinbago could ah use dem hard-earned foreign dollars tuh ensure apples an grapes all year rong. It sad too how we eh happy enough in we own skin we lookin tuh crooks who lookin fuh easy marks tuh dangle riches in front dey eyes.

Ah mean what yuh go do eef somebody tell you dey comin by you an eef dey get hit wid lightenin orn de way, dey givin you money; plenty money? Yuh eh go tell dem haul dey tail?

Dem is de same odds dis lottery here have, buh who care? Lie an tell we de pot bigger dan it is. Is music tuh dem rip orf artists ears tuh hear losers-tuh-be say since somebody have tuh win, it might as well be dem.

Let mih translate dat:

We doomed.

Aliens eh have tuh come dong here an wipe we out nah, we go do it weself. Skeptics mighn’t want tuh out dey own light at first buh how dey go resist all de udders linin up tuh do it? Not tuh mention all de fete goin orn in de line. In de end is follow fashion time.

We hopeless.

When scammers finish bleedin all dem easy marks an show who tink dey smart who is borse, dis world go done. But scammers too greedy sometimes, wantin everyting een one shot. Is we greed versus dey greed. De winner go be who not as dotish.

Or, we could hope tuh keep layin golden eggs. Dat story done written doh.

Tings not lookin good.

Still, just de udder day, ah get ah email sayin mih account at dis bank get lock because of suspicious activity. Who not go be glad yet worried at dat news? In dey continued sweetness tuh help dey give mih dis link tuh click tuh unlock an fix tings. Dem must ah been scammers in trainin. No golden egg from me orn dat one.

When we read how backwards people used tuh be in dem Dark Ages we, at least me, does be happy. Until ah realize de innate tings in dem dat cause dem tuh do dotishness is de same innate tings in we. We cyar look back, see what udders didn’t see an tink dat make we smarter. We still lemmings. We just in ah newer boat. Dark ages is not ah specific era, is more anytime enough people doh see tings clear yet know everyting.

How much it go take fuh we tuh fire up de grill fuh we witches. Who tink under de right circumstances some ah we cyar roast ah few people easy?

Take mih pardnah. I bet he not shame tuh admit he could light de match, under dem right circumstances of course. Ah hope he know is dat logic dat make snake-oil salesmen possible.

Ah positive ah right about he, after all, he does bet orn horses. How he know de horse eh wake up in de rong corner ah de barn race-day mornin? How he know it eh say tuh itself . . . . “Eff dis race. Me eh runnin ah damn place. I goin an canter. Who lorse could vex all dey want.”

It cyar be only humans who could do de equivalent.

Ah bet ah cyar tell dis pardnah not tuh buy no lottery ticket. He eh go care dat whatever dey promise is de prize does never be de amount, it always less. Dat not fraud?

Any non-govahment sanctioned scammers tryin dat better make sure dey ready tuh exchange court clothes fuh prison clothes. Plus fuh sure de poleece eh go let dem hide dey face under no towels from de people dey try an rob.

Listen fuh dat lil laugh people cyar help makin when dey say is okay eef de winnings not as much as de tricksters say. Dey logic is dey fine, as long as what dey end up wid is more dan dey would ah have eef dey didn’t win. Dat laugh is proof dey know tiefin eh situational; it eidder right or rong.

Ah hearin somebody tellin mih ah is ah killjoy. Who was de killjoy de one time dis husband an wife was in bed dividin up dey imaginary lottery winnings? Tings went unromantic when she decide she eh like how he wasn’t givin she bruddah any or enough ah de phantom money. Next ting yuh know, dey in front de judge explainin why dey was rainin licks orn each udder. An I is de killjoy? Steups oui.

Dotishness not all over de place in joke nah. Take one ah de winners in dis lottery dat start all dis.

Dis husband an wife volunteer tuh be orn TV, skinnin dey teet like dey do someting great. Dey say de usual tings dat does make who skeptical buy tickets in de next scam. When dey done, dey askin people tuh respect dey privacy.

Ah glad ah only hear about dis an eh see it happen.

It sad. Not dat I sayin all dis but dat I in de blasted boat too.

Even eef ah was indeed ventin, it would be pointless. Fuhget ah even ask in de beginnin tuh look at tings ah certain way. Doh even worry about lightenin or no lightenin; about lettin de lottery pool have more imaginary money in it so scammers could use de amount tuh fool we while we tellin dem is okay, keep foolin we.

Doh even study somebody whisperin dat dey have dis deal as we parsin dong de road. Dat happen tuh somebody close. Dat dotish person know now he wasn’t smart when he tort he was beatin ah scammer dong tuh ten dollars fuh ah hot laptop.

Put all dat aside. Leh we wait fuh de next sham lottery drawin. De scammers change de rules long time tuh make sure it bong tuh reach big numbers tuh attract dotish behavior. When dat number reach an ah listen close, ah hearin dis conversation:

How much de lottery reach? Damn, an money tight dis week. Quick, somebody lend dey boy ah twenty nah. Ah go give it back ah hundred times over.”

“What? How ah sure?”

“Cause ah had dis dream an ah see five set ah numbers. Guess what? Dey is mih chirren birdays.”

What yuh mean what dat mean? It meanin ah bong tuh win big dis time.”

Lord? Save we from weself.

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