Because of tings we does widout knowin why, I have tuh start keepin mih eye open wider. Even eef is just tuh see eef I does do dem tings too.

Take fuh example when de plane ah was orn land. Since ah did already know from before de alternative was dotish, ah stay sittin observin mih fellow humans. All de while shakin mih head in mih head.

As soon as de pilot turn orf de engine, seat belts start clickin. Ah not sure, buh ah wouldn’t be surprised eef I did hear ah few quiet clicks while de plane was landin. Regardless of when de clicks happen, once de plane stop, passengers start standin up an waitin, like is election time someplace an free money sharin. Who tall bendin dey neck so not tuh bounce dey head orn de bottom of de overhead compartment.

Yes, I used tuh be one ah dem . . . until ah get some sense. Wid all de tings happenin in an out de plane, who know how long before dey ready tuh open de door. Like how quick dem workers could move de jet bridge up tuh de plane. What eef de plane not close enough? Now de jet bridge cyar reach an de pilot have tuh move de plane ah few inches closer. What eef de plane door stick? An dem is only de questions orf de top ah mih head. Wid no answers, why stand up an wait? Besides, eef I cyar see de door from mih seat ah only wastin mih time standin up so ah could wait.

Ah time de wait once. It take over five, closer tuh ten minutes before people stop waitin an start tuh move. Dat is ah long time tuh stand wid yuh neck bend. Sometimes we does just follow what udders doing widout tinkin.

Eef I was ah pilot, ah probably wouldn’t larse long. I would make ah bet wid udder crew members tuh see who could come closest tuh guessin how long passengers would stand waitin fuh de door tuh open. I would have de workers outside bump by de plane door wid de jet bridge ah few times. Dat way passengers wid tink tings movin along. No door eh openin doh. Ah sure tuh lose mih job in de end but it is ah experiment dat need tuh happen.

Torkin about planes, how passengers on red-eye flights does manage eef dey have tuh pee? Not tuh pee, but tuh find dey seat after. Ah mean all de lights out orn de plane an people tryin tuh sleep. Orn dis same flight ah torkin about, I had tuh pee. As soon as I get up ah know was trouble so I count de seats ah tink ah parse headin tuh de restroom. Ah make it back safe doh. Even after sittin dong, ah wasn’t too sure so ah feel fuh de knapsack under de seat tuh make sure was mines. No more red-eye flights since ah cyar control when ah need tuh pee an ah cyar take de stress of possibly sittin dong orn somebody.

Ah next ting ah doh understand is why passengers does crowd arong de agent who announcin what rows gettin boarded. Every now an den one ah dem does pretend dey row get call an hand de agent dey boarding pass. Is not like eef dey could take somebody else seat just because dey get orn de plane before dem. Ah like it when dey get boof up. However dem gate agents have tuh learn tuh steups an watch cut-eye.

Den it have people waitin fuh dey flight who does flop dong anyplace an make deyself comfortable. Why dey cyar siddong in seats, dey homeless or what? I nearly step orn dis woman all cock up orn de grong like she orn she couch. Is only because she was torkin loud orn she phone dat ah look dong an eh mash she foot. Once ah parse she, ah look arong an just like ah tort, it had plenty empty seats. Eef doin like she is what would make me civilized, den I go stay primitive.

It have udder tings people does do dat I does wonder about. Say dey in dey hotel room. Nobody under de bed or hidin in de shower. Nobody eh rappellin dong de side ah de hotel. All security locks an chains in place. Now dey have tuh use de toilet. Why dey does close de bathroom door? Somebody go sneak een an cyatch dem wid dey pants dong? How dat person gettin in? Dat doh make no sense tuh me. Dey does do de same ting when at home by deyself?

Dis larse one ah could understand alldoh it still show how we does follow fashion.

Orn de first day of work, when dey reach de orfice, dey realize is de first day fuh udders orn de project. Yet, at de end ah de day, all ah dem frighten tuh log orf dey computer an announce dey done fuh de day. So what eef de borse still pongin orn dey own keyboard? Once you do de maths an know is nine hours plus yuh put in, why be afraid tuh leave? Why all de newbies does act like leavin fuh de day is ah career limitin move? Buh let de borse sigh an say de day long an he or she done. Everybody does start jockeyin tuh say de exact same ting too.

Just like wid de plane, ah next experiment needed. I go pretend tuh be de borse fuh dis one too. Mih goal is tuh see eef I keep wukkin, who go have de guts at de end ah de day tuh say time tuh quit. I would want tuh keep mih eye orn dat person, not tuh punish dem or nuttin but because dey have leadership qualities an is not no sheep. But dotishness could look like bravery so ah would have tuh discount dat.

De udder evening, several ah we was walkin back tuh we hotel after ah great dinner. At dis intersection de borse suggest we turn right an take dis one street. Everybody but me start anglin dey body ready tuh go along wid de idea. I look at de street. Yes, de streets ah San Francisco hadn’t changed from what I remembered from before. One street could be hilly while de next one over could be flat. We hotel wasn’t up dis hill I was watchin. De wine ah had at dinner announce tuh everybody dat eef I start walkin up dat hilly street, half-way up I go fall an roll all de way back dong. So ah savin mihself de trouble an not walkin up no steep street. Wid dat ah I angle mih body tuh continue walkin straight. Dat is when ah realize everybody change what dey was anglin tuh do an was walkin straight like me.

Sometimes all we does need is ah alternative. Too much wine an ah lack ah physical fitness could provide it. Fuhget leadership an dotishness.