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Psst, is de Gold Cup again

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July 11, 2015 by Fensic

Inside 25 minutes de score was done 3 – 0. Ah blogger wanted tuh know who is dis team. Dat right dey sum it up.

Everybody did know who de blogger was torkin about. De 2015 Gold Cup was in full swing an de Soca Warriors was playin Guatemala.

Of course ah torkin football. What else it could possibly have goin orn? Not when de warriors kickin ball.

In mih mind it was 2013 an ah was een de stadium watchin dem play El Salvador. I might be orf by one or two buh we had like 427 supporters. We eh even had we own area ah de stadium. We even had tuh beg dem Salvadorian eef we could make noise.

Anyway, I couldn’t make dis game; it was too far an ah not dat big ah fan ah nuttin. Not eef chances was good ah would leave de stadium cussin.

In dis era ah political correctness, Guatemala have dey own name fuh de footballers from Hummingbird Land—Black Beast.

Ah sure it have people who offended. It eh much, but ah willin tuh donate tuh dem any time ah wid ah waste being insulted by dat name so dey could stay offended longer. I was more interested in de profoundness ah dat blogger question. After all, eef yuh is ah Trini football fan, dey could be yuh own Black Beast.


I eh say which team had dem goals, ent? Well hold orn tuh yuh heart. Doh let it pop out yuh chest an fall on de grong, it go get dusty.

Was de Soca Warriors.

Go find yuh eye glasses. Check de drawer wid de ball ah string, de bend up nails an de scissors wid one blade dat yuh refuse tuh throw away. I go wait. Come back when yuh find it an re-read what ah just say. Ah even put it in bold font fuh yuh tuh find easy.

Yes, de Soca Warriors did done hit Guatemala: Bam, Bam, Bam, inside 25 minutes.

Dey score one goal orf what does get call ah set play, in we case was ah corner. We eh even waste time headin de ball parse de Guatemalan goalie: we volley it. De second goal was ah bard play by dey defense dat we pounce orn like how Rowley or Kamla, dem two tigers in de zoo, does pounce on raw meat by now. De next goal was pure dogged persistence.

Fuh de rest ah de first half dat question keep comin back: Who is dis team? Not dat anybody wanted any udder version of de Soca Warriors on de pitch. Dem fellas make life rough fuh Guatemala. Dey tackle hard, dey swarm dem, dey chase dong loose balls an when dey attack, it was wid full force. Dey look confident. Whatever coach Hart did drill in dey head wasn’t leakin out.

Let mih criticize someting ah dotish person write. He say de Soca Warriors eh winnin no games in dis Gold Cup. Well he done rong about dat. He proclaim after dat de coach go quit in disgust an head back tuh Canada. Given de context ah dat prediction, it too done rong. Yes, ah was rong on mih analysis. Dem is de kind ah ting ah does love being rong about.

Alas, fuh who eh know, ah football match have two halves.

De teams must be switch uniforms in de dressin room or someting. Ah mean Guatemala come out lookin fuh blood. De Soca Warriors from de first half was gorn. In dey place was fellas who look like dey decide tuh test dey ability tuh defend. Forty-five minutes is fuhever when yuh watchin dat kind ah football an yuh eh trus de team skills in dat area. Me eh know eef dat is how de coach tell de team tuh play or what buh ah cyar agree wid dat.

When yuh get ah bobolee yuh supposed tuh beat de stuffin out ah it. Not only dat, when de opposition comin at yuh hard, eef dey score, how yuh tink dey comin afterwards?

Even doh ah say I eh know eef de coach tell dem tuh play so, ah doubt he do dat. When people under pressure, dey instinctive way ah reactin does take over. Yuh have tuh change dat instinct. Dat is why fuh tings dat involve life an death, people does train an train an train. When de real ting happen de instinct dat does kick een is de dat trainin; auto pilot time.

Dis mightn’t ah be ah life or death situation fuh de team buh I could ah kill ah couple ah players. Guess what instinct kick een fuh dem? Boom: ball gorn high high een de sky headed in de opposite direction. It didn’t matter eef it eh had no Soca Warrior close when it land. Eef wasn’t boom kickin was man tryin tuh dribble parse one, two sometimes even four defenders. Good luck wid dat.

De blogger who ask de question was quiet so ah figure he did know who dat second half team was.

When Guatemala score it was like finally sneezin after fightin it all de time an yuh know it comin.

Ah sure mih neighbors tort I was fightin wid somebody, so much cussin was goin orn. Most ah it was variations of de same question:

What allyuh tink go happen eef Guatemala score ah next goal?

Ah had anudder question:

Why allyuh lookin tuh go dong in history as scorin 3 goals in de first half an losin de match 4 tuh 3?

Ah was even prepared tuh play mih Jamaica cyard:

Allyuh lookin fuh ah consolation prize like Jamaica? Dey real proud dey draw wid Costa Rica.  Just because Costa Rica was de surprise team in larse year World Cup. I eh want tuh hear no dotish consolation tork nah. Ah sick ah dat shit. Eef allyuh lorse dis match an ah reporter say de Warriors look good in de first half an dat “bodes well fuh de future”, somebody go dead. 

What bodes well even mean?

Anyway, long story short I eh blow no fuse. De referee blow he whistle doh fuh de larse time.

Score: Soca Warriors 3 Guatemala 1.

I eh kick one ball fuh de match buh ah collapse from exhaustion an joy. How sweet.

Up next is Cuba. Sunday.

Eef Obama did wait tuh normalize relations wid Cuba, all dey players would ah done defect before de game.

Ah lookin fuh ah more settled T&T team. While ah win is ah win, yuh still have tuh look at doin better an de players wasn’t settled.

Is one ting no coach could teach.

Fuh de first time I could remember de team eh lookin fuh no help. Beat Cuba an bramps, dey in de next rounds. No, we in eef dis team tie up dis udder team in ah Figure 8 an dis udder team get diarrhea before dey game. Dat right dey should do wonders fuh dey minds orn de field.

Do dat an when anybody ask who is dat team boy; we all go know what tuh shout.

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