So, Public Transport Service Corporation, (PTSC), passengers get tuh ride de bus free one day dis week in recognition ah dey loyalty over de parse 50 years. Ah cyar say nuttin bard cause mih pardnah say de bus company cyar do dat kind ah freeness often. It need de revenue he say. Ah hope was ah love fest cause it eh easy sometimes.

I used tuh ride de PTSC bus so ah know. Ah even get ah free ride once. De circumstances eh had nuttin tuh do wid no kind ah celebration doh. Ah was so traumatized ah capture de story as one ah de vignettes in dis manuscript ah have call His Story.

Since dis week is tork about de PTSC an free travel, ah decide tuh adapt mih story tuh trinispeak an tell it here. Remember, every word in it true, no skylark.

Conductress from Hades

De bus lurch tuh ah stop.

“Larse stop everybody. Bournes Road … larse stop.”

So far so good, ah tell mihself.

After de driver announce de bus reach it final stop, he change de sign so people would know de bus was headin back tuh tong. Mih bumsie search fuh ah more comfortable place in de seat as ah watch de one or two passengers it had on de bus shuffle orf. Outside, ah swarm ah passengers; mostly students from different schools was jostlin one annuder tuh get in front ah whatever line it had.

Ah couldn’t believe ah didn’t tink about dis idea before. It was brilliant. Mih new school was payin orf ahready. Boy it had so much knowledge an smarts in its hallowed halls. Anybody not ah student buh just parsin in de halls picked up some ah de smartness exudin from dem walls.

Dis plan was bong tuh solve mih problem. De bus from Bournes Road tuh tong wasn’t goin an parse mih outstretched hand at de udder bus stop, leavin mih tuh inhale smoke an fumes. Ah wouldn’t have tuh feel dotish. No more walkin back home tuh wait fuh de next Bournes Road bus tuh parse mih house. No more goin back tuh de same bus stop an hope tuh cyatch dat bus orn it way tuh tong. Ah say ‘hope tuh cyatch’, because sometimes dat too was full eef all dem rowdy-arse chirren wasn’t on de bus dat done parse mih straight.

Once de driver change de sign he let de passengers start fightin dey way orn tuh de bus. Good fuh dem. I smilin big big makin history wid mih plan.

De first set ah passengers tuh push dey way onboard stare at mih. Dey eyes start bulgin an dey mouth hangin open. Ah could read each ah dem mind:

Is how he reach on de bus before me? Me eh see he outside nah.

Ah watch dey brains clickin until dey figure it out. Mih smile get bigger. It didn’t matter dat de passengers behind dem eh seem tuh care. In fact, ah smile more.

De bus full up quick. Mih face was still warm when de conductress start collectin de fare. When she stop next tuh mih seat me eh take she orn since ah was expectin she tuh ask de person next tuh me fuh dey bus fare.

“Boy is you ah torkin too. Where yuh bus fare?”

Mih heart start racin. Is shock take over mih body yes. Ah start tinkin before mih system shut dong.

She asking mih fuh bus fare?

She eh recognize mih from earlier when she take mih money or what?

Must be ah new conductress.

Where she think ah was headed when she take nearly half mih daily allowance?

She eh notice mih white shirt, grey short pants, grey socks an black shoes?

She tort dey build ah school up Bournes Road overnight or what?

Ah bet she eh say nuttin on purpose so she could embarrass mih now. She done look like ah witch.

Ah decide is ah mistake she make.

“Look mih ticket from before.”

“Dat was tuh reach where we is, yuh need ah ticket fuh tong.”

Ah panic at de idea ah payin ah next fare out ah mih remainin allowance. It was done ah lil bit ah money.

Ah go have enough tuh reach back home from school, ah wondered.

Tears wasn’t too far orf nah buh ah had tuh suck it up. Two people was on stage in ah unfoldin one-sided drama: Me an dis woman who somebody do someting before she decide tuh take it out on me.

De woman like she did swallow ah dictionary. She had page after page of words: Angry words. Hurtful words. Demeanin words. All directed at me. De nearby passengers stop talkin tuh macco dem words an laugh, kyar kyar kyar.

Next ting de bus quiet except fuh dis madwoman mout. Ah was defenseless. She climb up one side of mih an dong de next. Mih whole body geh jook wid she words. Dey was like pecks from ah million ducks. Ah was dyin ah slow death from humiliation.

Why she had tuh be so loud? An in de open too?

I start tuh shrink in de seat dat ah did take mih time tuh pick earlier. How ah was tuh know it was goin an be mih electric chair? Ah wanted tuh keep shrinkin so ah could disappear. She would den look as mad as she was; beratin ah empty seat.

Even de girl ah tort was cute an was buildin up courage to tell, ‘hello’ one day, was all ears. Every punishin word, every barb hurled at me was reducin mih chance of any positive interaction wid dat chick.

Ah could see how it was goin an play out wid Miss Cutie Pie. Dat day when ah tell she ‘hello’, would reach. She would stare at mih wid ah blank look reserved for total strangers. She brain would start churnin away as she put de pieces tuhgedder. When she did she eyes would light up. She would buss out laughin, pointin at mih while walkin away, callin out to friends:

“Allyuh remember dat dotish boy wid de bus conductor de time?”

My world would end. I eh had no choice.

“Ah walkin tuh school from tomorrow yes.”

Becomin a monk had possibilities.

Wait!

Silence?

“De witch run out ah words or what? Dat only fair seein how she was carryin orn before,”

“Yuh doh have tuh pay dis time,” ah hear.

De woman had plenty balls too. It stop being about de fare when she open she big mout an embarrass mih. It was now ah life an death struggle—I was strugglin not tuh die. All while de bus was headin tuh tong.

Dat was de first an larse time ah execute mih plan.

Ah start wakin up earlier an gettin ready for school sooner so ah had enough time to walk tuh dat same turn arong spot. When de bus reach an de pushin tuh get orn stop, was my turn tuh board.

De girl ah did like in secret? Me eh eye she since.

Happy 50th PTSC. Drive safe.