Newsday should stick tuh photos ah de day.

It like de Daily Mail, I does only use dat fuh pictures udder papers does be frighten tuh publish. I read dem papers, see ah name mention an ah gorn by de Daily Mail tuh macco what de person look like, especially eef is someting real bad dey do. Buh de Daily Mail as source fuh real news? Hell no!  I eh care how fat it say Trinis is.

Ah cyar be dat vocal about Newsday cause when ah ready, ah does quote from dem, especially when tuh mih advantage. Yes, ah mixed up an inconsistent bad, ah know.

Take dis article from June 26th:

The Dana Seetahal murder investigation reached a critical high point yesterday with the revelation that two men — one of them a witness to the killing — coming forward to provide details of the plot and the actual assassination of the prominent attorney.

In fact, Newsday has been told by highly credible sources the statements that were given by the two men to a special team of investigators, and which were recorded, will enable police to bring closure quite soon to the probe which is already 53 days old. A $3.5 million reward has been posted for information from anyone which could lead to an arrest and conviction in the matter. 

The two witnesses, one of them from Tobago and the other associated with a Trinidad-based religious organisation, are said to have provided investigators with a clear picture of why Seetahal was assassinated, who ordered the hit, who executed the killing and how many persons were involved. 

Sources confirmed to Newsday yesterday that the two men decided to come forward and assist the police because they felt that their lives are now in danger. Newsday also sought to ascertain if the two men who are now providing the information are in protective custody but it has been confirmed that they have opted to not seek any protection. 

Newsday was told that one of the men went as far as confessing to the officers that he was actually present when Seetahal was murdered, but he is reported to have said that he was not the shooter. The other indicated to investigators that while he was not on the scene on the night of the killing, he was privy to the plot to execute the Senior Counsel. 

According to well-placed sources, the shooter in Seetahal’s killing is not in hiding but is under constant surveillance by law enforcement officers. 

Newsday reported exclusively last week that the United States Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) are in the process of cleaning up video footage capturing the killing. Crime investigation officers of the United Kingdom are also assisting local authorities in their efforts to solve the murder. Minister of National Security Gary Griffith has already stated that the police have no problem using foreign assistance to bring closure to this investigation. 

Most of the investigations is said to have already been completed, and Newsday has been reliably informed that when the processed video footage is delivered to ACP Wayne Dick at least seven persons are to be detained in connection with the high profile murder. 

Seetahal was driving her vehicle along Hamilton Holder Street in Woodbrook, Port-of-Spain, after midnight on May 4 following a casino night out when she was attacked and killed. Her vehicle was sandwiched between a panel van and a Wingroad wagon. A gunman is said to have alighted from one of the vehicles and fired four shots which ended the Senior Counsel’s life. Late yesterday sources revealed to Newsday that Seetahal’s killing had no international connection.

”Dana Murder Plot” cyatch mih eh. Ah honestly tort ah was goin an read ah slant tuh what dat American fella say de day before. De assistant Secretary of State, William Brownfield nah. Buh eh eh, nuttin even close tuh dat.

It probably safe tuh guess dat no more dan ah handful—okay maybe two handful; ah people was part ah Dana execution, start tuh finsih. De rest ah we have tuh get we information from de press. De press supposed tuh provide verified facts. We, as readers, den perform ah ‘sniff test’ tuh see if we believe what dey tellin we.

Ah was all de way dong de road wid mih sniff test on what Mr. Brownfield did say—dat de murder was ah hit organized by international drug dealers wid operatives in T&T.

Ah even askin mih purdah: Somebody have ah agenda fuh de US tuh be comin out in de open wid dat kind ah information? De TTPS know what he know? De hit men is Trini? How come after de papers say, “well placed sources”, or variations ah dat, dey could say any shit dey want dat doh even make sense? All kind ah questions. Ah had tuh decide eef ah believe Mr. Brownfield.

Now Newsday come out wid it version ah events.

So let mih sniff dis article buh wid ah next person nose.

Fuh kicks, I is one ah de two handful who involve in dis murder.

Nah, leh we assume I was de borse.

Dat mean ah was happy too bard readin what dat Yankee fella say de day before. He tell he dotishness tuh people who believe anyting, as long as it make Trinis look dotish.

Foreign hit job mih baxide. We have we own “experts” right here oui.

Ah glad Newsday lettin we know we not in de clear wid dis article.

“Dat job” was so important ah had tuh reach all in Tobago fuh people who know how tuh keep dey mout close.

Tanks tuh Newsday ah know where de leak is.

Once dat fella geh plug, de udder blabbermouth go hide.

Buh wait. Let mih read dat part again . . . dat youth-man not under protection?

Yes! He dead. He dead!

Eef dat ‘bago boy tort he life was in danger before he decide tuh open he cassava mouth, he tort wrong.

Newsday allyuh is de best.

Before ah parse by we shooter an tell him about dis next job, ah better make sure ah know what surveillance mean. De poleece have him under it all de time

. . . buh what jail is dis?

Is watch dey watchin he? Ah wasn’t expectin dat one. So ah cyar go by he. Steups.

Tanks again Newsday.

Let mih read more an see eef he cellphone bug . . . . nope, dat good. Is ah good ting Newsday does do more dan just show pictures.

Dey still eh clear up dat tape? Still time tuh find rats dat know how tuh eat tape. We could train dem like de ones dat know how tuh eat cocaine. Newsday say once de tape clear up, is lock de poleece lockin we up. Me eh have no court clothes nah. Ah have tuh check into dem rats quick.

Someting bodderin mih now . . . Why Newsday sayin Dana geh shoot four times? Something eh smellin right.

Dat show ah see in Movietong de time. It eh had poleece plantin information in de papers tuh try an make people like me panic? By de time de movie over, every man jack was in handcuffs. De whole audience watchin de movie was clappin an ting. Not me doh.

Dat udder article in de Guardian . . . hmmmm.

Dis article is ah trap.

Which one ah ah dem poleece in dat special group on de case was smart tuh cook up dis story wid Newsday? Dey even say de killin local. Like dey know is we?

Ah confused. What tuh tink? . . . what tuh tink?

Ah back wid mih own nose. I not involve in no crime. I is only ah reader an ah know what tuh tink:

News gathered maccoiously an delivered in ah bacchanalian way.

Tanks Newsday.