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Ah saga boy torks football

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June 14, 2014 by Fensic

“Mr. Blogman? Leh we tork nah.”

Ah look arong. Ah fella across de road was gettin up orf ah upside dong bucket.

“Me yuh dey wid?”

He start crossin de road, “you self.”

He had one ah dem ole time saga boy walk. He heel mash de grong den he bounce up lil bit tuh get orn he toes den back dong in time fuh de next heel tuh mash de grong. He hands wasn’t swingin much.

Ah decide tuh stop from where ah was goin just tuh york tuh dis ole time saga boy.

“About what?”

“Yuh larse post where yuh mention de football match.”

Ah back back as he invade mih personal space.

“Dat is all yuh writin?”

Ah watch him close.

De part ah he eye dat was supposed tuh be white was red red an he face look like it get lorse in de rain an hot sun.

Ah squint at him. “Who put yuh up tuh dis?”

“Put me up tuh what? I does read yuh blog every Sunday.”

Ah skin mih teet; ah need readers.

“You is ah football peong in joke eef dat is all yuh write.”

“De article wasn’t about football, ah just mention it tuh make mih point.”

“Well yuh miss ah bigger point.”

“More important dan de one ah make? Look man, it have ah roti up de road wid mih name on it yes.”

“Who else from de Islands warm up World Cup teams . . . yuh want ah hint?”

“Keep yuh hint . . . is Jamaica.”

“So yuh know dey federation brokes?”

“Tim Kee say de TTFA broke too.”

“Yuh know how much games dey play?”




“Yuh tink de Warriors could beat dem?”

“We beat dem de larse two times we play. We rank like 71st an dem bout 81st”

“What eef de match was fuh de Caribbean championship?”

“What ah just say about who rank higher?”

He steups. “Yuh know what ah meanin”.

“Hear nah, way we goin wid all dis?”

“De two organizations eh have money . . . “

“Dem more broke fuh longer.”

He look at mih. Dem red eyes make mih pores raise.

“Ah torkin man, why yuh interrupt mih for?”

“So”, he continue, “who pay tuh fly dem all over de place tuh play four matches while we eh had far tuh go tuh play only two? Answer mih dat.”

He cross he arms, lean back, stick out ah foot an start shakin it.

“France dump eight in dem Boyz baxide,” ah say . . .“yuh wanted we tuh get dat kind ah licks?”

“You wasn’t ah good batsman ent?”

“So we reach cricket now?”

“Because yuh only voopin an missin de point.” He start walkin away.

I ask mihself eef ah should get tambran balls by de roti place.

Next ting ah see, de ole time saga boy was comin back.

Ah was ready just in case he had ideas ah invadin mih space.

“Anil Roberts still ah minister an’ you want tuh tork football?”

He stop. “De Worl Cup eh sports?”

“True. Leh we go by Singh, ah go buy yuh ah beer.”

De place was empty. He head fuh ah corner table.

“Two Heineken,” he call out tuh de waitress leanin against de counter.

“Make dat one Heineken fuh he. Carib fuh me.”

“Allyuh have Carib? Make my Heineken ah Carib,” he call from he seat.

“So two Heineken an two Carib?”

“’No sister, two Carib, no Heineken.”

Ah pull out de chair across from he an siddong.

“Okay de Worl Cup start, leh we tork T&T football.”

Ah look him straight in he two red eye.”

“Start nah since yuh eh writin nuttin more,” he invite mih.

“First of all, wasn’t Iran de Warriors was supposed tuh play, was Colombia . . .”

“. . . an dey pull out, . . . we know dat”, he say.

“So who else de Warriors should ah play den?”

“It eh who dey play, is dat dey play enough teams better dan dem. Ah bet you was one ah dem Trinis who tort de tree Messi an dem give de Warriors mean Argentina only tree goals better dan we.”

“Not me. Check dem newspapers Sports Section doh.”

“Who order de Carib?”

Ah look over mih shoulder. De waitress hand was up in de air balancin ah tray.

“Me,” he say.

“De Heineken fuh me den.”

“Heineken? You order Heineken?”

Ah steups.

“Just give mih what yuh bring. Ah thirsty.”

She hand over ah Red Stripe.

He laugh.

As ah watch she walk away ah start hummin:

“Cent! Five cent! Ten cent! Dollar!”

“Yuh tink de Warriors could defend?” he ask, breakin mih torts.

“Nah. Pressure dem long an dey crack. Yuh see how dey does mark?”

He nod.

“Yuh tink de eight France drop on dem Boyz go make dem better defenders?”

“Dem Jamaicans tough,” ah respond, sippin mih Red Stripe.

“Yuh sayin de Warriors would ah collapse eef Messi an dem did give dem eight?”

“Not as bad as dat jokey team playin New Zealand.”

“Who benefit more, we or dem?”

“Cricket or football?”

He glare at mih.

“Ok, ok! Jamaica, dey play two more tough teams dan we.”

“Exactly!” he shout, slammin he hand on de table. Ah jump.

Once mih heart slow back dong, ah ask him who else de Warriors should ah play.

Ah lean in. ”Hear nah, before yuh answer . . . playin Iran eh remind yuh ah de time de Warriors warm up against India?”

He spit out ah mouthful ah beer an start coughin an slappin he chest.

“India? he cough . . . “dey does play football?”

“Well it have ah few ah dem well; dey could put tuhgedder ah side fuh ah fete match.”

“Leh we doh waste time torkin dotishness . . . Bahrain . . . we should ah play Bahrain . . . make sure we could still cut dey baxide like in 2006.”

“We knife was dull; it almost eh cut nuttin,” ah remind him.

“All de more reason tuh play dem again.”

“Okay Bahrain . . . who else?”


“Ghana? Why dem?”

“Because we probably couldn’t get Nigeria. We could ah play Ghana an full up de Oval.”

“Who next?”

“South Korea.”

“Why dem?”

“Different style ah football tuh learn from.”

“What we learn from Iran?”

“Yuh could learn from anybody dat beat yuh.”

He suck dong de rest ah he beer den wipe he mout wid de back ah he hand.

He belch.

“Blogman? Time tuh go . . . tanks fuh de Carib . . . we go bounce.”

He get up an was out de door he gorn.

Ah take ah next swig ah mih beer. De waitress tink I eh see she peepin.

“Fix mih up wid ah dhalpuri roti tuh go nah.”

Someting start makin noise.

Beep, beep; it stop.

Beep, beep; it stop.

Over an over.

Mih eye open.

Ah reach over tuh de nightstand an turn orf de alarm. Ah yawn, stretch an kick orf de covers.

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June 2014
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