Dis must be de season fuh dotishness. Eef so, plenty tings now orf limits.

Ah cyar tork about Trinis who tink dey is some kind ah diplomatic fashion poleece. Dey was out in full force across social media, voicin’ ah range ah dotish opinions about de outfit Kamla wear at de celebration ah Nelson Mandela great life. Imagine, people from all over de world come tuhgedder tuh rejoice an’ all some who wasn’t even dey focused on was who wear what. No wonder dey ass eh geh invite. Dey say Kamla insult de people ah Africa. Dey vex no tail—not de people ah Africa—de self-appointed diplomatic fashion poleece. I eh wastin’ no more keystrokes on dat; it eh dotish in joke.

I also cyar tork about de latest Minister ah National Security who cyar keep he trap shut. De onlyest person who could match or beat he in torkin’ is ah former MNS. What Trini eh glad tuh hear is only like ten gang leaders who have T&T de way it is? Who wasn’t waitin’ fuh he tuh tell dem tuh go tuh de police wid evidence on any ah de ten. Not tuh de Trini diplomatic fashion poleece, de real police. Wid dat evidence de real police go arrest gang leaders. Especially how said police cyar find evidence deyself. Not me nah. I would be dotish tuh tink ah in ah position tuh touch any ah dat.

Is de same way ah cyar touch de story ah de fella who wait 11 years fuh he day in court tuh answer ah murder charge. Eleven whole years. He case just done: He not guilty. Eleven years waitin’ fuh dat? Tuh counter de 20 witness de state call, he pull he, “get-out-ah-jail-free-even-eef-it-take-11-years”, card. All he do was bawl, “de poleece set mih up”. Dat put he halfway tuh gettin’ let go. Eleven years an’ dey couldn’t put ah good case tuhgedder? Dotishness I say so ah cyar tork about it.

Ah was in love wid mih ‘bago boy—Chief Justice Ivor Archie. Ah tort he was cool an’ had he head on he shoulder. He might still be all dat an more. He might even get back mih love, buh when he tork about people conspirin’ tuh run he out ah tong, de shock leave mih incapable ah love. I eh want tuh make no important decisions on emotion doh. So yes, two convicts say dey lookin’ tuh sue he baxide cause dey cases eh resolve an’ dey tired waitin’. He say is all part ah de move by dem who doh like he tuh run he out ah tong, usin’ all means possible. Is me sayin’ dat larse part eh. Somewhere in all ah dat, “he say, dey say”, is ah judicial system on its knees. Eef it take ah group ah inmates tuh sue de state fuh de state tuh fix it, den so be it. Anybody tink I orn de side ah de criminals have tuh be dotish. I just want tuh love Ivor again. 

Ah certainly cyar say nuttin about de spectacle ah de brand new Eastern Regional Health Authority CEO gettin’ fired one day an’ gettin’ she job back before de ink on she pink slip done dry. She better says tanks tuh de Minister ah Health. He name Fuad Khan eef she fuhget. He say de board cyar fire she just so an’ eef dey eh behave deyself, he go do fuh dem. She say she eh sayin’ anybody have cocoa in de sun buh fuh de month she was de CEO, she start all kind ah audit. She must ah mash people corn, she say. Eef ah still used tuh bet ah would put mih money on what she sayin’. Me eh studyin’ Fuad Khan when he say de conflict resolved. Hell no, it eh done. Dem people hidin’ dey scalpel fuh now. Let one side tun it back an’ see eef it eh go get carve up. Is dotishness now, it go be war when it flare back up.

Just in case ah takin’ in front before in front take mih on dis one ah cyar tork bout. Ah orn de accused murderer who have dis super strain ah asthma dat he cyar leave de safety ah hospital tuh face ah magistrate fuh murderin’ an’ rapin’ lil schoolgirl, Keyana Cumberbatch. What ah callin’ dotishness from now is eef de magistrate doh just toss de case, buh pelt it out ah court fuh ah lack ah evidence. Ah hope he asthma eh clear up so good he could bawl, “de poleece set mih up” an’ bramps, de case fall apart. De TTPS an’ de Director ah Public Prosecution eh go be dat dotish, dey ducks go be lined up.

Torkin’ bout ducks, no PNM member could appear on ah next party platform. Dat is ah expellable offense. Fair enough. Buh what about ah curry-duck lime? Okay so I eh dey tuh measure de temperature ah how hot people is over what Penelope Beckles-Robinson do. Ah understand some in de PNM blasted vex wid she. Ah understand what she do eh lookin’ good considerin’ how she just lorse she PNM wuk. Ah understand is like she cheups an’ gorn by de enemy tuh eat curry duck wid dem. Buh ah hope people cool dong before it all end up meanin’ it cyar have no more Dougla chirren in Triniland. Ah mean what eef de PNM announce it is ah black people party an’ de UNC say it is ah Indian people party? Den each party ban dey supporters from being in, on, between—whatever preposition yuh want tuh use—de next party “platform”? Dat eh go be takin’ dotishness too far?

If have udder dotishness deservin’ honorable mention. Like cricket fans. Eef we honest, we would admit we does encourage slackness in dem players. We know damn well all ah dem is underachievers, not so? Yet let one ah dem make lil bit ah runs once every 10 years an’ we does start jumpin’ up an’ dong excited. We does carry orn about how good dey is. Why we does lie tuh weself so an’ encourage slackness? Dat eh dotish?

So wid all dem tings ah cyar tork bout because dey involve dotishness, what ah could tork about den?

Well, it have me an’ mih Sofa tuh 3k workout.

On second torts, it eh have nuttin dey ah could really tork about cause dis week ah went an’ pull ah hamstring.

Now tell mih, dat eh de height ah dotishness? Must be de season.