Fuh some reason, ah went an’ cyatch dis vamps an’ decide ah goin’ an’ get in some kind ah shape.

Dat would be ah story by itself, eef was de first time ah say ah goin’ an’ do someting like dat. So what make it ah story dis time? Well, it too early tuh fully answer dat. All ah could say fuh now is dat after de times ah try buh end up stoppin’, someting feelin’ different in mih bones dis rongs.

Ah cyar count de amount ah times ah tell mihself, “okay, yuh goin’ an’ get in shape. Fuh real dis time”. At least once ah year, no twice, ah does do dat: On mih birthday an’ after what I does call, “de season ah American gluttony”—Thanksgivin’ tuh Christmas nah. Yes, mih birthday just parse an’ dat season comin’ up. So what?

Ah doh try an’ meet nobody I eh see in years no more. De larse time ah do dat, dey look at mih an’ next ting ah did know, dey manage tuh start ah conversation where dey could tell mih dey only put orn 2 pong since college. Dat is anudder reason ah doh open up mih album an’ watch pictures ah me playin’ football back in de days.

De friends arong my age dat ah does lime wid? We conversation change. Man torkin’ about dis pain an’ dat pain dey does have an’ when dey next colonoscopy is.

De younger friends does be celebratin’ dey fuss baby an’ shit I parse donkey years ago. Unlike Bovell, all my swimmers hang up dey goggles long time an’ call dat George.

So dis is where ah is. Ah long parse gettin’ excited when ah say ah goin’ an’ start exercisin’. Dat excitement was because ah would be dey tinkin’ about buyin’ sneakers tuh run in when ah done have sneakers ah does walk in. Or ah gorn on Amazon dot com lookin’ at reflective pants tuh buy so no car eh go bounce mih dong eef ah runnin’ in de dark. Or ah dey wonderin’ about makin’ ting wid fruuuuit an’ yoguuuurt an’ honeeeey an’ protein powwwwder tuh drink when ah done exercise. All dat an’ ah eh even break ah sweat exercisin’ yet. Steups.

Sofa tuh 3K.

Dat is what dis program call. Eef nuttin else, ah like de name. It torkin’ tuh people in far wuss shape dan me. De hardest dey does move is tuh rush tuh dey fridge fuh ah Carib while one ah dem Bravo brudders makin’ de long walk back tuh de pavilion after gettin’ out fuh duck—first ball. Or whoever in goal—Jan Michael or Marvin Phillip—gorn tuh take de ball out de back ah dey net yet again. None ah dem sofa warriors eh parsin’ mih when ah runnin’ nah.

Since ah not on no sofa tuh start, ah like what ah have tuh do tuh get tuh de 3K part: Alternate between walkin’ fuh 90 seconds an’ runnin’ fuh 60 seconds. Nah, I eh like sayin’ it dat way, it makin’ de runnin’ part too long. Ah have tuh walk fuh 90 seconds den run fuh ah minute. Yes, dat better. Ah have tuh do dem fuh 30 minutes. Interval training like mih know-it-all pardnah rightfully call it. Once ah master dat, ah could move orn tuh de next level. Me eh bodderin’ wid dat yet doh. Dis fuss leg is mih focus.

So ah start on mih journey dis week usin’ de sneakers ah does walk in an’ de sweats ah have. Mih plan was tuh run on de pavement. Ah find ah app fuh mih smart phone dat keep de time fuh mih. Ah set it tuh make one noise when 90 seconds ah walkin’ done an’ ah next one when ah minute ah runnin’ parse.

Eef one day dis week it did feel like it eh had enough oxygen tuh breed, dat was me suckin’ it all up. Dat walkin/runnin’ shit far harder dan ah tort. After about de sixth run, 90 seconds wasn’t long enough tuh recover. Ah was dey gulpin’ dong oxygen like it was goin’ out ah style. Ah give up after ten runs. Ah takin’ credit doh fuh de larse run. Nobody watchin’ mih stagger along, sayin’ ah runnin’, eh call de ambulance. No medical intervention mean ah could claim what ah was doin’ was runnin’ an’ add it tuh de udder real runs.

Hard or not, give up or not on de first try, ah did know ah could complete it so two days later ah was back out dey, ready fuh its baxide.

Ah make it oui.

Twelve 90-second walks wid twelve 1-minute runs. Hold any ambulance please.

Mih next session is tuhday. I eh as sore as yesterday an’ ah feelin’ good. We go see.

Ah friend send mih links tuh one set ah 3K, 5K, half marathon an’ whole marathon competition all over de place. Me an’ ah half marathon? Ah 5K? My arse just manage tuh finish one out ah 5 run/walks on level one.

Tuh all de serious runners out dey? Ah know 3K is just under 2 miles. Ah know dat runnin’ ah marathon is like runnin’ ah 3K between thirteen an’ fourteen times. I eh even close tuh being dey or wantin’ tuh be dat skinny.

Yes ah happy. Ecstatic. Buh ah keepin’ it in perspective.

Doin’ something different dat hard, forcin’ yuh tuh stretch, does always feel good when yuh done—once de pain gorn. Before ah done doing dis stretchin’, snow go fall, de place go get real cold. Only dotish people go be outside when dey eh have tuh.

Ah done start learnin’ ah ting or two. Each ah dem larse couple 60-second runs did feel like 60 minutes. Ah keep wonderin’ eef de app did stop wukkin’. Ah had tuh find ah place fuh mih mind so it wouldn’t focus on how hard it was gettiin’ tuh keep puttin’ one foot in front de next an’ keep movin’.

I eh want tuh make dis ah bigger presentation dan it might be . . . wait nah! Dis is my presentation. Was me learnin’, stretchin’ out ah mih comfort zone. Now dat ah tink ah it dat way, ah go make it as big ah deal as ah damn well want. Now dat settled, way ah was?

Oh yeah, ah had tuh find ah place fuh mih mind. Ah wasn’t always successful. De few times ah was, ah touch ah place long enough tuh ease de pain ah takin’ de next few steps before ah lorse dat place an’ had tuh try an’ find it again. Dat was new fuh me. Ah go get better at findin’ dat place an’ stayin’ dey.

Eef nuttin else, ah gorn an’ put dis out tuh de universe. Who knows, de shame ah haven’ tuh report ah fail could be de incentive ah need tuh succeed. Nah. Knowin’ me, ah just eh go say nuttin instead.

Buh I eh doin’ dis tuh fail.

Sofa tuh 3K is mih goal.