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Politicians fightin’ crime wid gallows humor

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August 24, 2013 by Fensic

Dear Kamla an’ Rowley,

Finally!

Ah happy too bard.

Eef allyuh only know how long ah been waiting fuh what allyuh just do. Ah tort it would ah never happen. Now it have hope fuh people like we.

Who would ah ever tink dat when allyuh was dey puttin’ party before country, dat allyuh would ah make so good ah team? Who else out dey appreciate de talent ah dis new duo ah Kamla an’ Rowley? Maybe Rowley an’ Kamla song better?

Allyuh is true masters ah de art ah dark humor. Especially how de context is about life an’ death. It doh get more serious dan dat.

From since ah was small, ah did like allyuh kind ah humor, gallows humor ah tink is de udder name it have. Ah cyar describe how it does feel when de bovine excreta gettin’ dumped an’ hardly anybody know dat is what it is. De more serious de settin’, de more serious dey does take what yuh say an’ de funnier de joke does be. Man, dem is de best kind ah jokes.

All over Trinbago, people cheupsin’ an’ askin’ eef allyuh serious. Since allyuh face grim grim, people figure allyuh eh jokin’. Dey done start de criticism ah allyuh crime plan. It hard fuh mih not tuh buss out laughin’ watchin’ it all unfurl when ah know de true story.

People really tink what allyuh release is ah real crime plan? Not any ole plan, ah plan dat it take de two ah allyuh tuh come up wid. Foolin’ de people easy, ent?

Allyuh go have tuh fuhgive mih eef ah sayin’ de same ting over an’ over, dat is just me, livin’ in de moment on findin’ somebody wid my sense ah humor. An’ dey is Trinis tuh boot? Dat is proof right dey about all dem people who does hold dey head an’ bawl, “we reach” at de slightest lil ting. Dey eh have no sense ah direction cause tanks tuh de two ah allyuh, is only now we reach.

We, allyuh an’ me dat is, know dat being funny is hard wuk. Dat is why it take de two ah allyuh puttin’ allyuh comedic heads tuhgedder tuh come up wid dis gallows humor crime plan.

Introducin’ ah Rapid Response Unit is ah gem, brilliant fuh so on so many levels. Just tinkin’ how people respondin’ tuh dat an’ is laugh ah laughin’ oui. Ah could hear all ah dem, see dem too. De spit flyin’ out de mouth, dey eye bulgin’ out dey head. De air so blue wid bard words parents coverin’ dey chirren eyes.

De part ah de plan where allyuh say dese new crime fightin’ tools go have, advanced technological devices to improve police response time to crimes that are in progress”? Dat priceless. Between allyuh an’ me, is what allyuh meanin, GPS an’ ah almanac? Okay dat almanac part was mih own humor. Ah obviously eh as good as allyuh. So is GPS an’ ah stop watch den?

Is ah good ting allyuh eh say dey go have computers in dem RRU. Say dat an’ one ah dem people who does keep dey eye on de effort tuh computerize de licensin’ office go know no computers in police cars until dat happen fuss.

While ah know allyuh comedy top notch, all ah we is Trinis so ah have some gallows humor ideas ah mih own. What allyuh tink about sayin’ allyuh bringin’ back Chin Lee? Ah almost wasn’t able tuh write dat, ah was laughin’ so hard. It would be ah sign of how close PP an’ PNM wukkin’ tuhgedder. It go show how valuable Rowley input was in comin’ up wid dem ideas. Mine not dark? It what, it dotish? It showin’ what, ah eh really have no idea on how to fight crime? Wow, allyuh cold buh dat is okay, ah have ah next idea. What about bringin’ back de blimp? Ah bet de same one available buh real cheap dis time. Okay, okay ah go leave dis tuh de experts – de two ah allyuh.

Ah could ask ah next question, all gallows humor aside?

Given how serious dis crime ting gettin’……  nah, ah better say dat ah next way. De powers dat be does get vex eef yuh eh recognize de stats showin’ de country safer.

So serious crime is still ah huge problem. After all, de two ah allyuh meetin’ in response tuh de bloodlettin’ in tong. Ah assume allyuh puttin’ out dese jokey ideas just tuh give de patriotic citizenry someting tuh chew on while de true discussions goin’ orn on in secret? Ah notice de clues in what allyuh put out. Like de part about makin’ de TTPS stronger.

All dem buzz words it had before – 21st century policin’; transformin’ de TTPS; Dr. Stephen Mastrofski. Now ah see one ah de new plans is tuh change de process fuh pickin’ de CoP. De ideas behind dem buzz words was too hard tuh implement anyway. Besides ah sure doin’ dis one make more sense tuh allyuh. After all, is only one person de current process pick who manage tuh get named CoP. Dat was Gibbs. He only get de job cause de number one choice geh blank by Kamla, just like ah earlier pick, Williams, geh blank by Manning buh fuh ah different reason. Eidder way, time tuh blank de process.

Or at least time tuh begin tuh tink about when tuh tork about possibly blankin’ de process. No hurry. Dem Trinis could keep orn actin’.

Unlike udders, me eh tink allyuh bankrupt ah ideas. Not when allyuh put allyuh two heads tuhgedder. So wid dat belief in mind mih question is, when allyuh go really tell de country what de plans is tuh lock up crime? When an’ how de TTPS plannin’ tuh start solvin’ more murders? When an’ how allyuh go arrest de low level gang leaders? When an’ how allyuh go go after de ways drugs an’ guns does come een de country so easy? What about dem who does turn ah blind eye tuh de entry? What about dem who makin’ de majority ah de money before de low level gang leaders get dey cut?

Me eh know eef any ah dem tings really goin’ gorn buh is educated guesses ah takin’. Just like ah have mih idea about why no guns eh geh find in dat lock dong an’ massive search in response tuh de latest murder spree.

Of course me eh lookin’ fuh allyuh tuh blabber every single ting allyuh doin’ as dat would be dotish. Not of me, allyuh. So ah expect dat behind de scene tings in de works on dismantlin’ some ah dem crime empires people who benefittin’ from crime have. Regardless ah where dey is in T&T, right? Doh say nuttin, just shake allyuh head.

All ah we agree dat de fight have tuh be on many different fronts. So far allyuh add de gallows humor front. Is dong tuh brass tacks now.

What?

Dat is it?

What allyuh mean, “dat is it”?

Eef allyuh still wid de dark humor ah cyar laugh no more nah. Is only tears left.

Ah wonder eef Jack Warner laughin’?

Respectfully,

Me.


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