Whoever invent writin’ was ah borse. De idea dat yuh could pick up someting somebody put on paper widout bodderin’ about any pain dat person experienced tuh produce dem words an’ ideas. Dat eh great? Just like everyting in life, it have more dan one way tuh look at dat doh.

Eef you is de writer, yuh not supposed tuh mind dat de reader eh seein’ none ah yuh pain an’ sufferin’. Yuh supposed tuh be happy somebody takin’ de time tuh read yuh words even doh dey eh breakin’ ah sweat. Not ah qualm about pickin’ up an’ readin’ de fruit ah yuh loins.

Eef yuh eh guess it yet, me eh feelin’ de love now nah. Whoever invent writin’ needs tuh be described wid de choicest set ah Trini cuss words.

I eh suckin’ wind in joke nah. Steups.

Ah wanted tuh tork about all de challenges ah havin’ tryin’ tuh understand de present T&T govahment. Ah wanted tuh say dat eef dat govahment eh make it tuh 2015, it eh go be because ah de lame attempts by de opposition at keepin’ Section 34-like fiascos or even de fire-truck nonsense, alive.

Ah wanted tuh say dat de straw dat go break Trinbagonians’ back go be trivial, someting de present PNM leader or de next one, Al-Rawi go miss.

It had questions ah wanted tuh ask too.

Like which one ah we never had nasty tings tuh say about T&T politics, even eef was in we mind? Yet, when we look across de world, especially at countries at de same stage in dey maturity like we is, anyone ah dem ever had a coalition govahment lastin’ as long as de one it have now in T&T? Dat not no statement eh, is one ah dem questions ah eh gettin’ tuh ask.

Ah cyar tork or ask nuttin because dat same Trini coalition govahment keep insistin’ dat everybody look at how it does bounce it toe an’ still limp. Is like it have two faces an’ ah clever flim-maker flim each face doin’ what it does best, den splice alternatin’ scenes from each face tuh make dis really strange movie. Only is not ah movie an’ ah gettin’ giddy tryin’ tuh understand what it is.

People like dat pardnah ah mine doh have dat problem. He done blank out all de scenes dat showin’ one face so all he does see is ah govahment bouncin’ it toe over an’ over an’ over. Kamla an’ dem very accommodatin’ too. In case yuh miss all de udder times dey stumble, dey does stumble again just fuh alone you tuh see.

Between you an’ me, de examples ah de face dat pardner ah mines does see gettin’ too long. Me eh no supporter ah de PP, buh when is my turn tuh argue wid he, it does be so hard. In mih desire tuh be fair, ah does feel like ah defendin’ dotishness. Den when ah get ask about all dese tings ah tink dey doin’ good, is like de list from dat face ah de PP gettin’ shorter an’ shorter in comparison.

Ah still believe Kamla an’ dem doin’ more fuh people who never had even de govahment dey supported do much fuh dem. Mih problem is how tuh reconcile dat face wid ah next one – payin’ almost $7 million tuh recover someting dey could ah leave where it was? Dey couldn’t buy like two more wid de money an’ still have change fuh doubles an’ red Solo? I tink it hard tuh make stupid decisions when yuh eatin’ doubles an’ drinkin’ red Solo, ent?

Eef yuh is ah firm supporter ah de udder side, den me eh askin’ you dem questions nah. I eh lookin’ fuh ole tork. Besides, me eh tink you does drink red Solo anyways.

Digressin’ happenin’, ent?

How de same people who pick ah Reshmi Usha Ramnarine could turn arong an’ pick ah Anthony Thomas Aquinas Carmona? No matter what side ah de equation ah start wid, ah cyar get it tuh equal de udder side. Like dis is maths or what?

All dem points does play into any continued desire tuh discuss politics wid dat pardner. Me eh like nobody makin’ dey case den foldin’ dey hands waitin’ fuh me tuh make ah jack-arse ah mihself. Ah jealous ah he ability tuh do dat doh. No inner turmoil. No lookin’ at dis side, den de next side. Not bodderin’ wid how tings was before. Not givin’ ah rat’s behind about de ‘tendency ah people’. Just put yuh bias on de table an’ doh forget tuh hold orn tighter tuh it when somebody come along wid different ideas lookin’ tuh confuse yuh wid facts.

Knowin’ all dat, how ah go tork about de tings ah wanted tuh tork about? Ah in serious pain here oui.

Still, ah go say it again fuh all who reach late an’ askin’ what dey miss.

I not no PP supporter. I not no PNM supporter. Me eh even fuh de MSJ, de onlyest party tuh drop out de coalition.

Yuh cyar be successful in de pragmatic world ah politics eef yuh tink ah strong moral stance is all dat yuh need. Yuh might have ah special place waitin’ in de after life, buh dong here? Good luck wid dat. How yuh go make ah deal wid de devil when dat is de ‘least bad’ option? Eef I was in politics, de MSJ leader, Abdulah would be mih spiritual an’ moral advisor doh. He go tell mih how far ah strayin’.

I eh go say dat ah support whoever puttin’ T&T first cause I eh want tuh get lumped in wid ah class ah people who does be sayin’ de exact same ting. Dey does only say it when dey party not in power an’ dey want tuh make it sound like dey does drip patriotism while dey subtly questionin’ de allegiance ah dey political opponents. Now dat ah make dat distinction, ah does support who puttin’ T&T first.

Ah thousand an’ eight words into ah fifteen hundred plus word article an’ still ah eh know what de hell tuh write. Eef dem so-an-so people didn’t invent writin’ ah wouldn’t be in dis mess.

Ah remember dem days parsin’ by Woodford Square an’ stoppin’ tuh listen tuh one ah dem maniacs espousin’ dey beliefs tuh whoever would listen. Sometimes dat used tuh be only me. Tork about passionate people. Mad, buh passionate.

Ah want tuh say dat same pardnah was wid mih ah few times when we parse by de Peoples’ Parliament. He does be just as passionate, buh he eh mad. He full ah udder tings doh. He just doh waste time doin’ de, ‘on dis hand yuh have dis, buh on de next hand yuh have dat’, bullshit. He leave dat fuh udders, like me.

Eef I was de Trini PM, he would be mih most trusted an’ closest advisor. He does tink different dan me an’ as leader ah couldn’t have only sycophants surroundin’ mih.

Wait!

Ah feeling someting.

Brain wave time!

Finally!

Yes!!

While I eh tink it go happen, dat trivial ting dat could stop Kamla an’ she merry band from makin’ 2015 might ah done happen an’ we eh know about it. Yet. Like how de two-plus-almost-seven, de nearly $9 million TT fire-truck scandal start.

I want more ah de good tings dat I tink de PP doin’, so ah have some advice tuh parse along tuh Kamla.

Take in front before in front take allyuh. Call ah family meeting. Make sure all dem harden chirren she adopt an’ callin’ she cabinet at de meetin. Is plenty ah dem so call de roll. Doh forget not tuh call Jack name.

Have every man an’ woman go in dey bedroom an’ find all dey dutty clothes. All dem panty an’ jockey shorts or sliders an’ socks an’ bra an’ petty-coat an’ merino, everyting small dat could geh wash by hand. Check de hampers, in de corners, under de mattress, in de bartroom. Check all over. Hold everyting up tuh de light so de public could see. Anyting have,‘scandal fuh later’, marked on it? Only once de public satisfied it eh have no more emailgate in de makin’ dat it go be safe tuh tink about de future.

Dat same pardnah dat ah say would be mih own advisor? Call he up, ah have he number. Ah have he email address too, buh tell Rowley or Al-Wari, just fuh extra transparency. Ah doh tink all dem bad chirren know what ‘transparency’ mean so have dem look it up. De test scheduled fuh 2015, buh yuh never know, it might come early.

Mih pardnah is Trini tuh de bone. Yes, he eh like allyuh, buh he dislike bard tings continuin’ tuh happen tuh T&T more. Except fuh seein’ what he want tuh see, de arms foldin’ an’ de waitin’ fuh me tuh make ah damn fool ah mihself, he fair. Allyuh go have ah trustworthy advisor.

Run anyting an’ everyting allyuh plannin’ tuh do by he first. In de beginnin’ he might pause before answerin’. It go be he udder loyalty ticklin’ he lil bit. Dat go parse just now so take dat pause as de sign dat de idea yuh run by he is scandal-free.

Trust me.

Okay ah done.

Whoever invent writin’ is ah borse.