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Jamaica? Allyuh eh have ah next name?

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March 16, 2013 by Fensic

Okay ah done wid Barbados, time tuh go. De place too small tuh stay more dan ah week. Ah really find de people orderly an’ de place so peaceful doh. You could call it all borin’ if yuh want, dat go be your business, just leave me out ah any name-callin’.

Next stop! Buh wait?

Ah just realize it eh have no udder names fuh way we goin’. It eh call nuttin like Bimshire or Land ah de Humming Bird or Spice Island. Ah could call it, ‘Out of Many, One People’, buh dat go be like callin’ Triniland, ‘Together We Aspire Together We Achieve’, ent? Ah guess ah could say we goin’ tuh de country where de people does say, ‘No problem mon’. Naaaaah, dat eh go wuk. I not from dey an’ I find sayin’ someting like dat so dotish.

Leh we just say we goin’ Jamaica an’ done de ole tork?

Jamaica big. Yuh could clone every Bajan an’ put dem an’ dey double in Kingston. Yuh could pick up de island ah Trinidad an’ put it in Jamaica two times an’ turn arong an’ add Barbados fuh lagniappe.

Jamaica have about de richest history ah all de Caribbean islands. Eef dat not true, den de most colorful. Eef dat not true too, den leh we just go wid sayin’ it used tuh be one ah de richest colonies. Tings used tuh hum in dem days. It had pirates an’ buccaneers an’ Maroons an’ fightin’ an’ debauchery an’ a city fallin’ into de sea. Ah vaguely remember in primary school when mih teacher did tell we dat Port Royal did fall in de sea, I was, ‘nah, how dat could happen?’ Well it was in ah earthquake an’ since de sea was right dey it fall in.

Marcus Garvey is probably one ah de fuss Jamaicans ah fame. Back in de early 1900s he was ah Black Nationalist preachin’ dat blacks best bet was tuh go back tuh Africa. He leave Jamaica went tuh England an’ den tuh de US. Ah tink de Klu Klux Klan was he biggest supporters.

Me eh know exactly when de T&T an’ Jamaican rivalry start, buh it look like it was goin’ orn arong de time ah de West Indian Federation in de late 1950s, just before independence.

Jamaica went an’ pull out de federation, vex because dey figure dat as biggest country wid de most people, dey should have more power in it. When dey leave, Dr. Eric Williams give dat famous maths lesson of, ‘one from 10 leaves nought’.

Next ting is August 6, 1962 an’ Jamaica gettin’ independence. Twenty-five days later was Triniland.

Tings been rough fuh Jamaica since den. Dat eh stop Jamaicans from bein’ proud people nah. Dey proud ah dey music, dey proud ah dey athletes, dey proud ah dey country. Ah remember in de middle of de Olympics in Vancouver, ah Jamaican say de Olympics now start. It take mih ah lil while tuh realize he was meanin’ dat Track an’ Field events was startin’ an’ fuh Jamaicans dat was de Olympics. Dat is when Bolt take de stage. Ah go take ah chance an’ say he hit it runnin’.

De first female prime minister in Jamaica was Portia Simpson-Miller in 2006. It wasn’t as ah result ah no general election. De prime minister at de time, PJ Patterson quit, an’ she take over de party. She larse lil more dan ah year before de PNP lorse de next general election. In 2011, Jamaica had three prime ministers. Golden resign, Holness take over de JLP and become prime minister like Portia. He eh larse as long as she. He went an’ pull ah Manning, callin’ elections an’ losin’. Portia party win makin’ she de first woman elected prime minister in Jamaica, joinin’ Kamla in T&T. Portia is not de first female prime minister in de English-speaking Caribbean. De honors fuh dat go to Eugenia Charles de Prime Minister ah Dominica from 1980 tuh 1995.

Some people say dat Golding resign because ah how he handle ah extradition request from de US. He send de Jamaican Defence Force into Tivoli Gardens in 2011 tuh search fuh Coke. Not de drug, de man. Christopher Coke, aka ‘Dudus’, de accused drug lord de US wanted bard. Golding did say nah, Jamaica go find him an’ prosecute him deyself.

What are de chances dat de US eh start squeezin’ Jamaica testacles once he tell dem no? I tink is zero, cause next ting yuh know, Jamaica sayin’ it change its mind an’ go send Dudus. Tuh find him, dey ‘invade’ he stronghold in Tivoli Gardens. He supporters fight back, in fact dey strike fuss bunnin dong ah police station. Big big fight fuh days oui. Seventy plus people dead an’ no Dudus. Finally dey cyatch him an’ send him tuh de US. He trial done over an’  he in ah US jail fuh de next 23 years.

Ah did say earlier dat since independence Jamaica has had it rough. Dey economy has been ah major reason why.

In January 2011, den Prime Minister Golding say dat de govahment eh had de resources tuh fight drug trafficking in its waters. He say it eh had no money fuh surveillance planes an’ he would have tuh pick which hospital or school go suffer if he was tuh get ah plane. Dat was a stunnin’ admission dat had mih tinking about udder politicians in udder countries and de continual rosy pictures dey does paint.

Tourism is de big foreign exchange earner fuh Jamaica. So when people eh have money fuh vacations, Jamaica does scrunt. People like me doh help cause de time I went dey on ah cruise, ah lil boy try tuh sell me trinkets and is run ah run he lil arse.

De IMF gorn callin’ again. It was dey in de 1970s. When ah country reach where it have tuh call in de International Monetary Fund, tings bad, real bad. De IMF does require radical changes before it renegotiate any financial agreements. So far de Jamaican public sector unions agree tuh give up raises tuh help out de country. When de full scope of de economic sacrifices come out, tings go probably get worse in Jamaica before dey get better. It have dis great cartoon showin’ Jamaica as ah sinkin’ ship an’ next tuh dem is ah ship named de IMF buh it flyin’ de pirate Jolly Roger flag. De govahment happily sayin’ dey rescuers reach.

No money an’ plenty crime is de wrong combination buh dat is what it have in Jamaica. It take ah opposite tack tuh deal wid its crime an’ de need tuh change its police. It hire high rankin’ Scotland Yard officers an’ put dem in de Jamaican Constabulary Force as assistant commissioners. It keep de CoP position Jamaican doh. De program finish. Les Greene, de larse officer, went back home larse year after spending eight years in de JCF. He already torkin’ about how de JCF was like goin’ back in time an’ how lazy de police was. He say it eh had no sense of urgency. He also say dis, buh remember, he torkin’ about Jamaican police eh. Remember dat. Please?

“If a pretty girl walks past, they will look at the pretty girl instead of what they are doin’. There is always tomorrow, always another time to do someting. There’s always a drink or a pretty woman to distract them.”

Yuh remember who he say dat about, right?

I eh sure it have any way tuh say dis widout pissin’ orf Jamaicans, buh Jamaicans homophobic no baxide although most ah de stories I does see are about cross dressers. Buh dat eh change de facts. Eef you is ah man an’ decide tuh try orn yuh wife tings, doh geh cyatch in Jamaica eh, yuh life might depend on it.

Between you an’ me? I does see some people in de media in T&T an’ ah know dem would never have no balls tryin’ tuh be dat prominent in Jamaica.

Besides de finger rape case, it have ah bigger ting involvin’ Jamaica dat unfoldin’,

De Lotto Scam.

US politicians fed up an’ lookin’ tuh take action. Dey start wid public hearings where victims tellin’ dey stories. Dat kind ah publicity eh good fuh Jamaica an’ tourism, so dey send high-rankin’ officials tuh point out all de actions de govahment takin’. While de scammin’ been goin’ orn fuh ah few years, de govahment crack dong really pick up steam larse year an’ lookin’ organized now.

It have tings ah ask an’ ask about buh nobody eh answer so I could understand.

How come Jamaica does take so long tuh bury dead people? How many times I read about somebody murdered fuh example an’ is like three weeks later ah seein’ de funeral now takin’ place? An’ some ah dem coffins? Wow! All dat money goin’ in ah hole.

Den it have de Jamaica patios dat so different from any ah de udders in de English speaking Caribbean. Is not just de words buh de sentence structure dat so different. How dat come about?

Regardless, dat is Jamaica. Take yuh time an’ wonder arong, we eh leavin’ anytime soon. Get away from Montego Bay an’ all de tourist areas. See de real Jamaica, See how it different dan what yuh used tuh. See how it similar. See how yuh like it.

Me? Ah go see yuh next time.

Sources besides me?


Jamaica Gleaner

Jamaica Observer

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March 2013
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