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What tuh call dis one? My mistakes? She dotishness?

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November 17, 2012 by Fensic

Ah takin’ ah lil break from tings Trinbago. I eh too worried because de bacchanal goin’ orn before me and go continue long after I gorn so ah could take ah break. Ah lil one.

Ah lil break tuh tell ah lil story. Ah true story too.

I in dat story.

Not too long before Hurricane Sandy, ah had ah doctor’s appointment. Was ah new doctor ah had never been by before. Dat was mistake #1.

Tuh know how tuh get by he, ah went tuh Google, buh ah eh pay real attention on where tuh cyatch de bus, only where tuh get orf when ah nearly reach by he office. Dat was mistake #2.

Ah had wanted ah early appointment so ah could go, finish and reach de people work by 9.00. Dat wasn’t ah mistake. So de mornin’ reach and ah gorn tuh cyatch de bus. Ah was movin’ in enough time tuh get tuh de bus station, get de bus and reach by de doctor. Dat was mistake #3 as it would only wuk eef I was at de right place tuh cyatch de bus.

So far three mistakes and ah even close tuh gettin’ on any bus. Anyways ah reach de bus terminal and ah lookin’ fuh mih bus. Cyar find no bus. Ah ask ah bus driver where mih bus. She tell mih it doh stop at dat terminal and den she tell mih which part tuh get it. Ah immediately get dotish and couldn’t figure out where de street she tell mih was. Ah doh dare call dat lapse ah mistake, dat was just me gettin’ older. Who doh want tuh get older, even old?

Ah start lookin’ arong fuh ah map tuh see where de street was. No map. Panic done set in cause now ah eatin’ into de time ah was expectin’ tuh be on de bus headin’ to de doctor. Ah rush in de terminal tuh de Information Booth and ask de man where ah could get bus information. De man tell mih, ‘right here’, buh I tort he say, ‘not here’. I eh panickin’ in joke now nah. Ah spinnin’ arong tryin’ tuh figure what ah go do next. Dem doctors does charge yuh eef yuh make ah appointment and eh turn up or call dem 24 hours ahead tuh cancel. Twenty-four hours? Is like 40 minutes tuh mih appointment. I go and call dem now and tell dem ah cyar make it cause ah cyar find de bus and dey likely tuh charge mih double. Just fuh spite.

Well de man in de booth see mih spinnin’ rong like ah top and tell mih he say ah could get de information ‘right there’. Finally somethin’ wukkin’. So ah tell he where ah was wantin’ tuh go. He ask mih if ah know what tong dat in.

‘Tong dat in? It eh in de tong we in’, ah tinkin’ tuh mihself. Buh me eh telling he dat. Ah lie and tell him it in de tong we in. Mistake #4.

He gorn online tuh search usin’ de bad info ah give him. Of course he eh find nuttin. He start naming udder tongs. Me eh know none ah dem names nah. Finally we, no he, find de place and de tong. He trace it back and tell mih where tuh get de bus. Is de same place de woman bus driver did tell mih yes. Ah steups tuh mihself cause de chances ah would now suddenly say dat ah know where dat was, was zero. Ah look at he blankly. He was used tuh people like me cause he eh laugh or nuttin. He patiently give mih directions.

Ah thank him and ah gorn. De streets eh look familiar nah buh ah did trust him. Three blocks he did say. Ah parse de third block and start steupsing. More walking tuh do. Was like six blocks. Six long, looooong blocks. Finally ah get tuh where to get de bus buh ah on de wrong side ah de road.

Ah know how it does work when yuh in ah hurry so ah reach out tuh ah next power fuh help.

‘Lord’, ah say, ‘both ah we know ah doh call yuh often, buh we could tork about dat later. Fuh now, doh let mih bus come and parse mih while ah crossing de road nah. Please?’

Ah look up.

Yes. Is mih bus parsing oui. Since de Lord blankin’ mih, ah decide I eh fightin’ nuttin no more. Ah go reach de doctor when ah reach. At least dey cyar charge mih fuh not turnin’ up.

Finally ah next bus pull up and ah jump on it. Ah not too comfortable cause all ah have is de cross street tuh look out for. I eh sure how long before we go reach it. Orf we gorn.

YES. We parse de street! Ah rush up by de bus driver and ask she eef ah could get orf de bus. She ask mih way ah going. Ah tell she. She tell mih yes, get orf. Ah get orf. Ah start walking back tuh de street we parse.

It rained de night before so de place wet wet. Ah find out mih shoe have hole and mih socks gettin’ wet up. Plus de wind waitin’ fuh mih tuh get under dem tall trees before it start shakin’ dey branches and causin’ me tuh get wet dong. Ah gettin’ wet from toe tuh head.

Ah walk tuh de address dat de doctor office supposed tuh be. Ah lookin’ at de place. Ah never been dey before buh ah tinkin’ dat not de place. De sign say is ah medical office buh he name not on de list ah doctors. Besides, it have dese people standin’ on de steps like dey waitin’ fuh de place tuh open and is done parse de time de woman did tell me dey does open when ah call tuh make de appointment. I decide dem people is druggies and dat place is really ah drug treatment center. Buh I eh panickin’ no more since de Lord eh take mih orn wid mih bus request. Ah turn arong and ah walk back tuh where ah just walk from. Why? Me eh know nah. Is only me dat does act dotish when he lorse?

When ah reach back tuh de bus stop, ah steups and turn rong and walk back tuh where ah just come from, tuh de building nah, still dotish nah. As ah walkin’ back de second time, ah woman across de road yell out tuh mih beggin’ fuh 40 cents. Tuh save mihself from rushing cross dey and killin’ she, ah just keep orn goin’ mih way.

Ah reach back outside de building, still not sure it is de right place. Real calm, ah pull out mih phone and call de doctor number. Ah tell de woman who answer who ah was and dat ah cyar find dey office buh ah on de street it supposed tuh be on. Ah describe de udder building dat arong. Ah even name de streets arong mih. De woman tell mih she eh know dem streets and none ah dem buildings ah describe eh familiar, so she eh know where ah is. So ah ask she what cross streets de doctor office between. She name de street ah was on and ah next street ah never hear before. Mistake #5, ah believe do damn woman.

Ah still calm buh now confused. What she tell mih mean de office not on de street I orn buh on ah next street between de one ah orn as she name dat and de next one she name. Where doh? Ah tell she thanks and dat ah go call back. She say dat fine. Ah see ah woman by ah next bus stop and ah ask she fuh de street de woman give mih as de udder cross street. Is when ah follow dis new woman direction and reach de street dat ah realize de woman in de office was ah arse. De two streets she tell mih de office between eh runnin’ parallel tuh each udder, dey intersect. Ah call de office back one time. I eh cussin’ doh as I eh want de Lord tuh tink I eh tryin’ tuh be ah better person. De woman who answer de phone tell mih ah have tuh turn back and walk tuh where ah just walk from. Yes, dat go be de third or fourth time. Is like ah go be casin’ de place tuh rob it.

Hear nah. Yuh know where de office really was? It was right where ah was standin’ when ah call de first time tuh tell dem ah lorse. Being ah good person real hard oui cause now ah want so bard tuh see dis woman who didn’t know where she wukkin’. Ah want tuh look she in she face and cuss she tail. Ah gorn in de building and say hello. Ah ask de women at de front desk if is she dat ah tork to de first time when ah say ah was lorse. She lookin’ at mih wid ah big smile on she face saying yes. Ah looking back at she wid mih own smile buh cussing she in mih mind.

Mih next appointment is in December. I hope I eh go need nobody help tuh get there.


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